There were three sizes, easy spring, you needs some balls spring and you gotta be fucking kidding me, (no spring) She went first on the spring board, good spring jump and dive. I have done this a million times as a kid and remember winning the scout spring board diving badge aged 10. I took my run up, gave it a good jump, sprung into the air and landed flat on my back! I slightly over judged the "spring" bit! Embarrassing dad, stage one! Off we went to the middle spring board. I chose to do the simple jump straight in dive not to cause my darling daughter any more embarrassment, she did a full run and jump, putting me to shame!
"To the top one daddy" my daughter cried. Well it didn't look that high! We queued for about 15 minutes - I was the oldest person by a country mile. Up 3 sets of steps I climbed, i walked to the edge looked over, looked up and in good old Royce fashion under my breath uttered "Fuck that"! Then came the mortifying walk back down the steps to sniggers from a bunch of kids some distance below.
The worst was to come - my eight year old passed me, laughed and jumped in like she was stepping off the bank of a stream. Yes I was undone by an eight year old and laughed at by a bunch of spotty kids, trust me I have no shame!
The one thing that really struck me on the adventure to the swimming baths is that parents need to STOP eating, more the point, they need to STOP feeding their kids so much! We truly are becoming a seriously chubby nation. Out of the 100's of parents in that pool on that day I did not see one fit person! I will save this whole topic of conversation for a later date, on what? You will find out shortly!
I think it is important to dress up to travel on a train. I just pray this wasn't going to be a blind date! Can you imagine, Blondie bombshell with long boots and huge eyes will meet you under the clock at Waterloo!
I have been to Wales, well - "The Valleys" to be precise! A TV show in a working men's club in the middle of know where proved to be an interesting return to my stand up days when I spent many a dark cold night touring the clubs of south Wales. This particular club was the only thing in the village, it even had a cinema!
Allow me to introduce you to Mr Puddle. I have no idea who the "Gold Chained" rapper is next to him!
Dinner was served and this was accompanied by a biscuit selection like I have never seen before!
One of the most impressive things about the club surely has to be Martin, who played snooker. He broke a record on "Table 2" - the club only had one snooker table which left both me and the crew wondering if his prize was actually "Table 2"!
The locals came out in force for the visiting TV circus!
Christmas at the club is going to be a sell out with Stan Stennett strutting his acting skills in Dick Whittington! I suppose he could always have a go at breaking the "102" break in the interval?
Don't ever think that because you are in a hidden village at the bottom of a mountain that these people do not know how to enjoy themselves, they come in all shapes and sizes!
Finding my way out took 20 minutes, I really must take a "Welsh" phrase book with me next time!
Do you think the person who wrote the Welsh language just got bored when he got to "Lift"?
I am doing the warm up for "Alright On The Night" with the lovely Griff Rees Jones, who seems to think my name is "Simon". He referred to me all the way through the show as "Simon" - I really didn't have the heart to tell him, so I'll just stick with it. I even changed my name on my dressing room door just to save any embarrassment! Griff did the loveliest thing at the end of the show this week which I have not seen for a very long time, he thanked everyone, cameras, cleaners, lighting, sound, production and yes even "Simon" - Serious "Old School" manners and appreciated by many, hats off to Griff.
Behind every brilliant television comedy is a brilliant producer, there is a rising star in our business right now who has made and will continue to make seriously funny television something which is no easy task!
Dan Baldwin is without doubt one of the most talented TV execs of this generation and I have no doubt you and I will hear much more about this gifted individual. You can follow him on twitter @DanPBaldwin
I asked my lovely followers on twitter (Just over 19000 now) to send pictures through including a "Roycey" sign last week It amazes me how dedicated my lot are - here are a few of their amazing efforts:
So "Spooks" has finished. I am going to seriously miss Harry, Ruth and the team, not that I buy into TV much but the security of this country is about to go to shit without Harry at the helm!
X Factor is in full swing now and we are visited this week by Lady Gaga and 1 Direction. I think Fountain Studios, the security team, the parking attendant but most of all the local traffic is about to go into meltdown!
Have a good week my friends. I hope you are tuning into LBC Sunday mornings at 0930 for my take on backstage at The X Factor. LBC 97.3 FM, Sky TV 0112 or through the web: www.lbc.co.uk
Special thoughts go out to my dear friend "T" today who sadly lost his dad.
