I have had an operation to remove lumps from my head and body. I saw the surgeon and he informed me he would be doing the procedure under "local" not "general" no big drama I thought. So off to a rather nice private hospital in Wimbledon I trotted via "Abdul" the local mini cab driver who, ironically was a surgeon in his previous life in Iran, gave me a good once over and a £25 receipt on my arrival - something I fear the private place would not be offering so cheap! Maybe I should have just got Abdul to whip them out at Tooting and been done with it!
On arrival I was shown to my "private room". I have to be honest and say I have stayed in worse hotels! Flat screen TV, fluffy pillows, i-pod, Bose speakers, Joe Malone toiletries and some medical stuff thrown in the corner! I opened the "welcome pack" and was shocked by three things:
1. The amount of TV channels available! This TV had more channels than I have at home. Sadly "Babe Nation" was not available!
2. The wine list was bigger than some I have seen in restaurants, along with Vintage champagne and a "magnum" of a rather good brand!
3. The menu. The chef 'Romeo" (I am sure he must have been a surgeon also in his previous life) would "Make any dish to order! I thought it a great idea to test this out, so before my operation in ordered "Bread and butter pudding".
Off down to surgery dressed in a gown that the rather attractive nurse told me to wear. She didn't however mention I could keep my boxer shorts on. If you have ever worn a hospital gown you will know they tie at the back - now I have long arms, but not that long! So as we were walking along the very well carpeted hallway I could hear the sniggering giggles as my bare arse was proudly on show- sometimes the urge for me to get naked just overwhelms me!
Into the operating theatre and on to "the slab". The surgeon said to "Mohammed" who was dressed in full greens "shave the head". I protested that I didn't want shaved patches anywhere. "Don't worry" said Mohammed, "I used to be a hair dresser in Iran". Fucking great. The surgeon's assistant used to be a hairdresser, the cab driver used to be a surgeon and god only knows what the lovely Chinese lady who was holding a rather big needle used to do, I really daren't ask!
Then came the "local anaesthetic". Oh My Fucking God! I have never felt pain so severe. The worst apart about it all as I was explaining to the surgeon what a twat he was he replied "Don't worry official Roycey you will be fine". The theatre staff all burst out laughing. I was about to have lumps removed by my bloody Twitter followers - could this possibly get any worse!
On return to my suite (I named it this rather than my ward!) I was greeted with a piping hot bread and butter pudding with home made custard and a large glass of wine with a note from the surgeon which read:
"To our brave "Official Roycey" - we promise we won't Tweet that you screamed like a girl!"
God love private health care, god love my surgeon and god love Abdul my cab driver who, on picking me up, got out of his cab and went over every bit of work the surgeon had done and finished by saying "not bad but the stitching I could have done better" with this his sat nav fired up and south we headed south...
Off to a friend's "family" fun day next week and we have been told to "bring something fun"
Ok then ....
I entered David Walliams this week. It was a huge decision to make but worth this brave step. I know a few have been inside him before but I wanted to have the experience". It was warm, slow and very meaningful and yes I stayed in a while, withdrawing was sad but inevatble but the time inside him will stay with me for a very long time!
On Monday I am going to try Amanda!
Ok, time for my sex tape, I have been keeping it on the "QT" for a while but thought it about time I let you all see it....
I had one of those "life changing" conversations with one of my closest friends Lincoln this week. I have been so focussed on "getting on TV" that I have forgotten about how lucky, privileged
and grateful I am to be where I am right now - which is busy warming up the country's best TV shows with the worlds biggest stars. I get invited to amazing parties and mix with some true legends, my diary is full and people actually trust me to deliver the best possible warm up! I have seriously taken my eye off the game and have been so busy focussing on "whats next" I have forgotten about "what is now". I am not giving up on my next journey, but its time to "hand it over" (I quote Linc) and just work hard at where I am. If the next stage happens it happens, if it doesn't, what great, amazing lucky life I lead!
I love you can learn life lessons at 42. It's whether you heed the words of friends or let self will run riot. On this occasion I listened (and learned) from one of my oldest friends!
Happy to be in the background doing what I do best and now realise how many would kill to be in this picture, I truly am grateful and now intend to live "In the moment!"
This ladies and gentleman concludes my Sunday offering!
