Sunday, 26 February 2017


I think I'm a cool dad, up-to-date on fashion, (Im a religious reader of Glamour Mag!), Social media and life in general, I have great conversations with my Roxy and like to think I'm not in any way shape or form embarrassing. This week I realised I am deluded on all the above!

Last weekend myself and my everything went to a trip to London, we had the usual Sunday morning conversation;

"So dad what are you up to this week?"

I went to my phone calender as I've found as I get older the memory is not what it was to be fair I don't think I'm alone in this as I spoke to a friend the other day who had to check their phone to see what they did the day before!

Anyway I ran off my list of "Things dad is doing!" One on the list was hosting the annual Norwood charity "YN property awards" I've done this now for the past three years but this year they decided to go with no comedian and that laughing bit was put fully on my shoulders, and I loved it! Was I nervous? Hell yes! I was following the likes of Omid Dijali and Katherine Ryan who had done this gig in years gone by. The problem is I don't do jokes, my comedy is simply walk out and go with what's in front of me, the problem with this is? You just hope you are going to have something in front of you! as is always mostly the case I found the things to build off and found myself in full flow (The evening raised over £170k for a brilliant charity.  Well done team "Norwood!")

This has not always been the case! I've had to climb out of a window in Hull, got booed off so badly in Midlesbourgh (Dormans athletic club) that anytime I hear the word "Midlesbourgh" my anxiety rises and I go into a cold sweat! Trust me, when James Arthur (Who's from Midlesbourgh) Went all the way in The x factor I almost had to do meditation before each show! I died a comedic death so bad on the QE2 in New York they asked me to get off the ship, it was horrific but everytime I heard the silence I learnt! I think this is the problem with today's "Celebrity" in a way, they show up and suddenly they are a star without any of the life experiences to stand them in good stead. I don't resent them, not at all, good luck to them, it's just a new world from when I first started out in the business called "Show!"

Anyway I digress!

"So Roxy what's your week looking like?"

We were sat on a train opposite each other and she began her busy schedule list!"

Drama show.
Duke of Edinburgh award charity shop work.
Friend coming over.

"Oh, on Friday daddy, I'm walking home from school with a boy!"

Inside my head three words screamed "What the fuck?"

Silence. ...

"Daddy why are you staring in a funny way out of the train window?"

"No reason love!" I was actually planning a surveillance team, hiring a helicopter and wanting to meet this boys parents!

This is my little girl! This is the little button  I held for the first time when she was born, hugged when she fell over, dropped at her first day at school, baked with, went on holiday with, read stories too, got up in the middle of the night for, consoled when she had butterflies in her tummy before her first school play, taught to ride a bike, checked under bed for monsters, I was my daughters ONLY man!  A boy! I said again WTF!

Roxy kinda started having a bit of banter "Don't worry dad he wants to be a brain surgeon!"

"That's fantastic love!" I replied, but what I was actually thinking was "If he hurts you  or tries ANYTHING inappropriate he will be seeing the inside of a hospital quicker than he imagined!"

I dropped her off to her Mums with a huge pain in my heart.....It was like losing something you are never going to get back!

Now I know this may sound a little dramatic (Me, dramatic? Never!) But it honestly hit me like a ton of bricks! My little girl was little anymore and I was no longer the apple of her eye!

Friday came and 30 minutes after school finished I called her mum having a mini worry storm, my ex wife handled me beautifully and no she hadn't heard from her! You may want to note that this dad once called the police because Roxy was 20 minutes late from meeting me after school and I started a full scale search! I know ...embarrassing dad but we've not even started yet, I know they do a"Dad of the year award" Maybe they should do an "Embarrassing dad of the year award?" I mean Roxy once brought 8 of her school friends to watch The X factor, you can imagine the pride she felt with all her friends as the next thing they all watched was her Dad walking out on stage naked  other than my boxer shorts shoved up my arse! The price of being the daughter of the warmup guy I guess!

I phoned my mate Dave on the train and explained the situation of the Dad/Daughter silence, (He's a dad to a daughter also) He chuckled and said "That's why my daughter does karate!" "What the hell Dave, Roxy only does Beyonce!" I was doomed!

We put a date in to meet up and I hung up, I was going from mild worry to panic, as we pulled into the next station three ladies got off the train and smiled at me with comments such as "Good luck" "She'll be fine" and the one that rocked me to my core" "Don't worry, snogging only normally starts on date four!" I was a wreck!

A while later two texts arrived, one from my ex wife "She's home" and one from Roxy saying "I'm home!" I could almost see her rolling her eyes as she sent it! I had a strong urge to try and find the people who had given me such sympathies on their departure to share such wonderful news!

Today's meeting with Roxy was coffee and a whole conversation about The BRITs and it was properly "Lit" It would seem local Croydon lad Stormzy is the new really cool man of moment! She showed me his reply to Adel on "Insta" although I had to have a lesson in the words used! Legit! 

Once Stormzy put on his social media "Box park in Croydon in one hour, see you there" (Roxys face was alight with excitment! This has made him a legend, to be fair from my point of view, made Croydon cool again....Who knew!

I was lost to be honest, I'm a huge fan of Wretch 32 - (Who Roxy always has to tell me it's "Three two" not "Thirty two!") Example, Jay Z, and Professor Green so I thought I was a step ahead. I'm not, I'm just trying to catch up!

The morale of this story....I'm a Dad and that's just not cool in the eyes of my daughter or any daughter but that's also a brilliant thing. On the plus side, a brain surgeon? Let's be honest I think I probably may need one!

Have a great day my "Mandem" I'm off to find some more work, I've got a helicopter, two surveillance teams and 5 satiate tracking devices to pay for!


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