Tuesday, 31 December 2013

To "BE" 13

As we approach the end of another year and move into an even numbered one it is always a time for reflection, to look back and forward, to make plans in our heads, to see our faults of the past and to learn a little more about ourselves, its the night we all jump up and down, let off fireworks, drink, eat and be merry and focus on the ending of one thing and the starting of another!  By doing this, the day itself becomes somewhat forgotten, unlike most other days of the year it is left to be nothing more than a stepping stone forward or a viewing point backwards, we rarely sit in it and take it as a special day.
I am going to use my New Years Eve as a time of reflection and to sit in the "What is" rather than the "What has been" or the unreality of "What could be" it is something I have rarely done before but I am going to try and practise it tonight and many nights moving forward.....
We can use up so much of our energy and time looking forward and backwards its easy to forget what is going on around us right now, I have been guilty of this so many times before and it truly is the waste of a day, an hour, a minute or even a moment.

I sat on my sofa last night with my wife, my daughter and my dog, we watched "Mr Stink" by a roaring fire and it was peaceful, full of love and free, I am so very very blessed to have health, a family and happiness in my life and heart, it has been a lifetime searching for it thinking it was many other things than just having the simple things.

It really is the little things that are so special in life but the things we can all so easily overlook, so busy are we running to the next goal or sitting in resentment of what has gone. It's the "Now" that is so important, so just for today and hopefully moving forward lets all try and sit in the "Now" Practice not perfection!
I used to always say in my head on NYE "This is going to be my year" however the bit I sometimes forgot was not one dream, hope or ambition will materialise without effort, determination, persistence, self sacrifice, positive energy and the big one "Action" and then yet more "Action"
To be in the "Now" we have to put in the action to feel it, realise it and embrace it! To feel the power of now we HAVE to freely give of ourselves.

Dreams, hopes, targets and goals simply remain just that without putting in at least a modicum of action, this is my lesson for myself and it something that has taken a long time to learn and more importantly practise.
It reminds me of a great story a friend from America told me called Danny of a man who met God.
The man said to God "Can I please win the lottery?" Of course you can" Said God after seeing the man had good plans and ideas for using the money.
The man returned to earth and after a year he had not won a penny nor a dime, he returned to God and said "You are a liar, you promised me I would win the lottery!" God took the mans hand and said "You have to meet me half way and buy a ticket!"

Time now for me to spend some uninterrupted time with my two girls and to head off into 2014 a man ready to embrace life on life's terms. 2013 has been a year of much pain, much growth and much learning of self, I have been to the lowest point but I would not be sitting in my peace today without having made that journey, it is one journey I intend not to ever make again, for me its about being in the now and putting in the action to move upwards and onwards full of life and laughter, joy and happiness, love and respect and most importantly freedom to be who I want to be NOT what others want me to be!

Thank YOU for being such an important part of my life this year, writing has helped me escape much pain and given me hope to move forward, I am so very grateful to you all for taking the time to read my words.

Thank you also to those who stood bye me, carried me, held me, advised me, loved me and truly cared for me during 2013, you know who you are! And for those who did the opposite, you approval today is not needed nor sought, I left "People pleasing" behind a while back now! What you think of me is none of my business nor am I going to spend any energy justifying myself or changing to fit how you want me to be or act, if that upsets you so much, that's your stuff, not mine!

Have a safe beautiful evening and a very happy New Year and if only for a second just stop, live in the minute and just "Be"

Happy New Year you lovely lot!



Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Glorious Christmas George.

I seriously cannot get another thing in my fridge and cupboards but more importantly the "Treat draw"  You know, that special draw that has your heart palpitating at the mere thought of opening it!

I have been wanting to dive into so many glorious things but have been told "That's not to be eaten until Christmas!" So I wonder when does the official Christmas window open and "Contraband" of many calories become fair game? For weeks now the goodies that are purely "Just for Christmas" have been staring at me, almost daring me to have a dip in, but I have resisted under the ruling of "The Roycey Wife Act of 1993"

I would argue that Christmas eve is a good call but I dare not challenge the "You cannot touch anything until Christmas day" house rule - Not even I am that brave!

I purchased my turkey yesterday who has been traditionally named as George and in line with the President of The United States of America I pardoned one in aisle 10 of my local supermarket - sadly It may have been a little late as I watched the ice drip from its headless body, but hey the thought was there!

George now sits on my side counter defrosting, I cannot walk past it without poking it a little just to make sure it will be ready for tomorrow, in truth I have no idea if it will be fully defrosted by then but the warm bath water is on standby and Gino's number at the ready for any Christmas Day emergency! The mad fact of this is I will not know if George is fully unfrozen until I stick my hand up it's arse, it's almost a game show format!

Tomorrow morning will see me take the "Gold Run" and whisper my same ole' joke "Top Middle or Bottom" as I place my hand up George's backside (Or is it neck hole, who knows!) to remove things I don't even want to know the name of and no doubt, like previous Christmas's before I will leave something inside that shouldn't be there, but what the hell, everything is edible right?

Potato's (Said in Keith Lemon voice) will be peeled, Brussels sprouts (Or Fairy cabbages as they are known in my house) will have crosses placed on the bottom of them (No me either!) mashed stuff will be mashed, gravy with be frantically mixed to come in on time with the rest of the meal, the table will be worthy of a John Lewis display, wine will sit chilled, a cork will get stuck, music will play and we will eat as one knowing George payed the ultimate sacrifice to keep me, my family, my guests on Boxing day and my dog for the next three weeks very very happy! (Before I get a hounded it will not be the bones for the dog! See what I did there!!)

I have this year excelled myself and made a special compartment in my wallet marked "Receipts" I know right, this is the stuff of legends although I am hoping my gifts purchased are not in need of a trip to the return department during the mid sale madness! I did not however excel myself at wrapping, maybe its just a man thing but I wrap like a man blindfolded, I just cannot get my head round the folding pointy bit at the end and as for wrapping a bottle, it just ain't going to happen thus my house will be a wrapped up bottle free area!

In years gone by Christmas has been so many things to me but this year it is different on so many levels, this year it is about nothing else other than "My true family" and has not one little bit got anything to do with me, my wants, my needs, my high expectations. I just want to be with my girls and "Be" that in itself is a miracle and one today I am so very grateful for.

Embrace every second and hold every moment and be thankful for what we have right now not what we want in days, months and years to follow, live in the moment and take just a small second out to look up and take it all in, it may not happen again.

Can I take this opportunity to wish you a peaceful, safe, drama free Christmas and if things go wrong as they no doubt will, embrace them, laugh at them, enjoy them, make it an positive experience and know the gift of love cannot be wrapped up, defrosted or placed in a special draw for Christmas, it lies deep in your heart so let it out - If only for Christmas, you never know it might just carry on to Boxing day and beyond.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that's why they call it "The Present"


Thursday, 19 December 2013

Thank you.

Is it just me or do we all own an address book that is simply used for the sending of Christmas cards? Every year my grey book comes out and I use the same address's that were placed in it months and years before to send the yearly card, if I wrote the address wrong or the person has moved then the "System" has gone wrong!  My little grey book, to all intense purposes, is the bible of Christmas greeting cards, so if you don't get a Christmas card from me and mine, don't blame me, blame the address book!

The point of the book is it is still a thing of the past that is as relevant today as it was years and years a go, we move so fast in this world and technology is breaking new barriers everyday I still rely on some of the old pillars of a house and family to get me through and make Christmas special.

This is guess is why I like Christmas so much because it is the same traditions of years, decades and generations gone by that continue to make it special without the aid of modern technology.

The tree will go up both in a house and no doubt in price, the fairy that your kid made in nursery will be placed on top of the tree, the lights will have spent nine months tangling themselves into a knot just to piss you off, the tinsel will be colours you have used for years and somewhere in that box will be a Christmas card you had from years a go that you simply don't have the heart to throw away, you will find a lonely plug, a dancing teddy that needs batteries and special things that bring memories flooding back.

Turkey will be cooked and most of us will no doubt spend hours doing the mathematical equestion for defrosting and still end up running the bath to defrost the bloody thing! Nuts will be put out that nobody ever eats at any other time of the year and which are duly thrown away when the tree comes down and a selection box will be found in most houses, it's the great fact that somethings never ever change and can we please stop changing them!

I don't want an "Alternative" Queens speech thank you, the one my glorious Queen presents to us is just fine thank you and I don't want to stick an apple up the turkeys arse thank you very much, some sausages wrapped in bacon will do just fine, I don't want any shop to be open or need or want to buy any fuel on Christmas day, if I have forgotten something then let me imprevise, it may just turn out to be a lovely experience.

I want a proper board game, I want something to build, I want a log on the fire not an electrical "spinning thing" that cost £400 and blows a medium amount of hot air and I want slippers to keep my feet warm, I want shortbread to eat without feeling guilty about the enormous amount of fat I'm gaining and I want to fall asleep after too much lunch!

But, and here is the big but, has Christmas turned into what we want rather than what we need or am I just getting old?

I need my two girls, a tree, a light, a game, some food and a house full of love not hate, laughter not sadness, warmth not cold and a house of peace and harmony, for me, that's all I want for Christmas!

I belive this is why I will enjoy Christmas so much this year because it is really is the simple ideas and the ideas of generations before us tht make it so special! Its not on a screen, its not got an instructional manual, its not linked to a place in the sky nor does it have a cloud a Giga bite or an app, it just is what ever we want to make it!

I have spent last Christmas in a very bad place, to say it was painful would be an understantement but this year my needs and wants are very very simple. I want to wake up with a clear head, a clear conciouns, my family around me and fairy dust left by santa, not too much to ask is it?

I have spent a little time this year saying "Thank you" and "Sorry" I've spent some time mending much pain and making amends, repairing some of my life and trying to go through my day doing the right thing and on this run up to Christmas I am taking just a few moments out of my busy life to stop and think of others!

If every single person on this planet stopped for just 1 minute in the week before Christmas to do something caring for another without gain for themselves what a very special Christmas this would be. I know not many people read this but if everyone that does did just one "Thank You" to someone they do not know for something they did followed by a "Happy Christmas" what a beautiful thing that would be. If we didn't just walk past the homeless person instead we stopped and said "Hello" if we dropped a card into the old person who lives up the road, if we helped someone cross a road or just for one fleeting minute thought of someone else rather than ourselves what  glorious Christmas this would be for someone else, you might just make them do the same thing and thus the ball will start to roll...

I will start this Christmas ball rolling.....

Thank you for reading my blogs this year and thank you for giving me a reason to think of others by way of writing, thank you for giving me a reason and guess what, I didn't need to use my address book to send it!


Friday, 29 November 2013

Ice Cream

Sometimes in life we have to do something slightly differently, sometimes we have to be a little brave, sometimes we have to embrace a little danger without first reading a health and safety manual or going on a stupid course to tell us how to lift a box, put up a ladder or carry round a cup of slightly warm coffee that God forbid will spill and hurt someone! Sometimes we HAVE to step outside the box and feel the fear, for me this has been the key to a new life and why I write this blog today….

Life today can be so blinkered, so by the book, we follow like lost lambs rather than lead, reinvent and make new paths and new rules, we seem to have become scared of our own shadows and scared of our own potential! Is it so bad or so radical to make a choice based on common sense, a gut feeling, a passion, a burning desire and the most important: a dream or a goal? What is the worst that could happen?

Allow me to give you an example; I had a fantastic time with my daughter in a pub not so long ago playing Trivial Pursuit, (Another resident of this fine establishment sat watching
Keith Lemmon and “Juice” on his I-pad so it must have been a cool place!) she thrashed me (This only underlines the fact that she got her intelligence from her mum not me!) 
At the conclusion of the game Rox wanted Ice cream, (three scoops!) After the normal Dad - Daughter Ice cream consumption debate had come to a conclusion (This was not a unanimous agreement) I (Not we) agreed on two scoops not three, one scoop for Rox was never to be an option, In other words I gave in and met her halfway, two scoops it was to be!
The menu clearly stated that only one or three scoops were available, Rox used some common sense and drew on 4 years of hard work in maths and worked out the cost of two scoops which impressed me much as doing "Thirds" was way outside my mathematical spectrum, even for Ice Cream! I was proud that she took it upon herself to think outside the box or in this case, a menu!
I ordered the ice cream from the lovely lady who worked behind the bar, her reply?  "Sorry we only do three scoops or one scoop! I asked if she could do two, she said they only do 1 or 3, she was not to be shifted on the "Ice cream rules of the house" To save my daughters ensuing sugar buzz and because I am a little weak I ended up having two scoops for the price of three! Yep I had to pay for a scoop I never had! Why? Because that was the rule and nobody was budging on the fundamental issue of there not being a two scoop option and to be honest a debate on a scoop of ice cream was not worth my energy nor the barmaids!

The point of this is we seem in this world today to have lost all perspective of thinking outside the box, to considering the risks, to challenging ourselves to make "Choice" on free will, to bend a rule, to just do something that feels "right" We seem nowadays to be so scared of our own shadows and those we work for we are slowly disappearing up our own arses, controlled by others without any belief in ourselves to make a choice or simply go it alone. I like the saying “Feel the fear and do it anyway!)

Greatness comes from those who step outside the box, make new paths, challenge the rules, stick their heads above the parapet and stand up for what they believe to be right, the list of great names is endless but every single one of them stood out because they were brave, passionate, fearless and more importantly didn't define their life on what others thought! They believed in themselves, followed their gut instinct, embraced their passion and walked through fear and criticism! What happened? They became legends, history makers, idols and inspirers, we read about them, talked about them, emulated them, inspired to be them, we had heroes, role models and excitement filled our hearts and souls that maybe, just maybe, one day we could be as great, inspiring or thought provoking!

Life HAS to change, if even just by a tiny little step! To change today for our future generations is the key, the youth of today HAVE to be inspired, they have to have role models, they have to be able to look up to someone or something, they have to be allowed to express, discover, reinvent without critism, ridicule or doubt. We, the adults have to embrace their ideas, be excited they thought outside the box, we have to stand back from our own fears and barriers and be inspired by youth, we HAVE to otherwise we're all going to wonder round doing whatever the manual tells us and what a truly dull world that would be, what a "Grey existence!” If we don’t start to inspire by change we will slowly become the sheep that follow, uninspired, disorientated and soulless, we will just keep doing what everyone tells us!

Life is not always great, not every day is going to be an amazing day and when the days are hard and sometimes dark We HAVE to stop blaming everyone and looking for scape goats we HAVE to start taking some responsibility for us, our families and our future. Stand up, be counted and inspire, doing something good, look into ourselves and lead not follow, own the day and own your destiny.

It was only one scoop of ice cream, but it says a lot about where and what we COULD be turning into!

As adults we have a huge responsibility to let our youth, our next generation, our future expand, reinvent and prosper because one day one of them will lead us and with a glimmer of hope and a good wind hopefully that person would have taken comfort, knowledge and strength that one adult in their life said, “Throw the rule book away and serve as many scoops of ice cream as you want!”

Progress not perfection, two scoops not three!

Thank you for reading.

NB: A message to the abusive anon' e mail sender who clearly wants me to shut up writing and return to my dark place, to die not live, to feel pain not happiness to be the victim of the abuse once more -

I know not that boy of my past for my path to times gone by is covered, I know not the route back nor how to return, so I guess you'll have to stop reading these blogs because this is just my beginning as a free man not a scared manipulated abused boy.

Regards (To quote you) "Your arrogant, egotisical tosser, who does not believe himself to be the Dali Lama!


Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Brown Nose Day!

I received a tweet from a person seeking help as a direct result of my life changing actions over the past ten months, this filled me with more joy than any applause, any laugh or any standing ovation! (Not that I get many of them unless we are doing it for a camera shot!)

To know someone is seeking and making huge steps to change their life because I made a statement will stay with me for longer than any gig. I say this not to big myself up or gloat, not one bit, I say it because I am proud of the person who has taken a step and chosen to remain silent no more and more the point live without the pain of that silence, I am also very proud that months of self-searching, pain, tears and heartbreak on my part resulted in another human taking a very brave step, she will, In my experience, know a new life, one beyond her wildest dreams and one lighter and more fulfilled than any writing could describe. Her tweet was kind and it inspired me to write this blog.

Steve Brookstien takes great pleasure in calling me a brown nose on twitter, I laugh (Inwardly) whenever I read this because if being kind, if paying a compliment, if saying something that is positive rather than negative, if recognising something good rather than something bad is now deemed as “Being a Brown Nose” then I am happy to herby announce myself as “King of the Brown Noses”

It is harder to be kind than horrible, thoughtful than thoughtless, peaceful rather than angry, it is harder to say something positive and encouraging, it is easy to hide behind a twitter name and be horrible and damn right insulting – really it is!

When a person posts a tweet (I do not include some of the comedy banters that go on twitter) that is hurtful and insulting it is saying more about the person posting it than the person, organisation or company they are attempting to hurt or insult! I was taught a lovely saying a while ago: “When you point the finger at someone, you should look and see where the other three are pointing, (You just tried it right?) Yes, right back at yourself!” You see, to be angry with another is actually, in most cases, being angry at ourselves, it is, in my humble opinion also wrapped in the core emotion of fear and most of the time from a place of jealousy, which, if you’ve spent the last months in serious therapy as I have, is fear itself! (Don’t worry I’m not going to get all Therapist on you, I am no way qualified!)

Another bastion of the hurtful twitter postings is Katie Hopkins who recently posted some frankly insulting tweets! Katie’s stall is laid out, she writes shocking tweets, makes shocking statements and sends us all into a frenzy, her job is done and we the reader will move on but what about the person she so brutally destroys at the click of a send button, a typing of a piece or the spout off on TV?

In this new world of social media (I’m getting old right?) anyone can become as insulting, thoughtless and angry at any person they choose simply by writing 140 characters, the scary bit is they can hide behind a mask of anonominity, the positive is we don’t have to read it or even buy into it, sadly for us showbiz folks we feed off people pleasing, so it’s kind of a double edge sword, for me, I don’t give a toss what people say, honestly I don’t, I used to, but not now!

So what’s the answer? If you are angry today, stop, look at why, take a small time out, it may be you have every right to be angry and that’s great, anger after all is a real and healthy emotion! But, taking your anger out on another is without question an action of great selfishness and something I and no doubt most of the population of the world are guilty of, but the joy of living is we can do the opposite today!

So why don’t we for just one day try and be “Kind”, to look for the positive not the negative, to pay a compliment, to give a smile, to stop and give some time to say something nice, to look for the good not the bad to say something we would love to hear ourselves, to think of another rather than to think of ourselves, to pay a compliment because we mean it rather than a “thank you “because we want something?

Let us not take for granted what we have around us, don’t walk through today with your head buried, look up, stop, breath, take it in, embrace it, own it, be the carrier of the flame, be the light and the love, be a special person you were born to be, give freely of yourself and do something amazing for another, it can be free, it can be just a wink, a hello, a nod, a handshake, a hug, a hand reached out, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a call, a text and even a lovely tweet!

By doing this you might just change somebody’s minute, hour, day, week, month even their year!

I categorically promise you it will change yours, for just a fleeting moment you will get out of yourself, your pain, worries, frustrations and anger, you will embrace the greatest gift in life and think of another, it will take you to a new level and it will, if just for a second, put you in step with the universe.

Just for today let’s try and think of another, let’s stop before hitting the send button and just for a fleeting moment think how 140 characters, a look, a tut, a stare, a huff a back turned or a whisper may effect another.

Call it what you want, but just for here, just for n let’s rejoice in “Brown Nose Day”


Saturday, 23 November 2013

I am very sorry....

My wife and I had date night last night and chose to spend it at the cinema in the company of Ohpra, Forest Whiticker, Robin Williams and a man who never ever fails to bring a smile to my face Cuba Gooding Junior and the movie "The Butler"

The movie was advertised to start at 8:45 so babysitting times organised, popcorn at the ready and glasses cleaned I sat ready to enjoy some of Americas finest ply their trade, my wife and I then sat for nearly 45 minutes waiting for the start, so bloody annoying and more the point this meant we would have to leave 40 minutes early to get the babysitter home.

Dear Cinemas, if you say start at 8.45 then bloody start at 8.45, I'd done my crisps and drink before the opening credits and knew I was not going to see the ending! 

On this occasion however I didn't need to see the ending of the movie for it to have a seriously impact on me! 

Within 15 minutes of watching I felt ashamed to have white skin, I felt ashamed of the behaviour of previous generations of white skinned humans and I felt utterly embarrassed being surrounded by fellow cinema goers who had no doubt at some point in thier lives experienced racial hatred or ridicule, violence or bullying, name calling or segregation and all as a direct result of the colour of thier skin. Not for one second watching the scenes unfold in front of my eyes did I feel comfortable or even happy - it was, for me, beyond awkward! 

Thanks to technology and "Blogging" I get to talk, I know not to very many people but today I would like to use this very small voice I have to say sorry! 

I want to say to any person reading this who's skin is a different colour to mine how very very sorry I am that you, your parents, your grandparents and your previous generations had to endure such hatred, such pain, such evil, such ridicule, such humiliation and such dam right vile racism at the hands of sone white skinned human beings. 

It is beyond comprehension and extreamly embarrassing to watch as a human being with white skin, no wonder future generations have been so very angry! No wonder anger and resentment still runs deep, this was happening less than a lifetime ago, horrible! 

Last nights movie explained so much in my head and made so much, so easy to see, thank you to the writers, makers, actors and studios for making me feel so bloody uncomfortable - it was, on this occasion, worth every cringing moment as you opened my eyes and emotions to a far bigger picture of life, you did what movies do so well, you made me think! 

I wrote a tweet earlier in the week saying racism is taught, I also believe it is born out of the emotion "Fear" Fear of the unknown!  To fear something when we have not encountered the fear itself is to only be fearful of self not others! 

I have a message to those who may have that "Fear" and who still look at humans with different coloured skin as below them, as less than them and as a lower class of the human race; change, open your own eyes, do not follow what you have been taught, make your own decisions, be humble, forgive yourself and make new paths, don't run with the crowd or follow the pack, lead, unite and conquer what is wrong in your heart, because deep down you know it is wrong and then go and watch "The Butler" 

This world is about change and I believe good always conquers evil, The President of the United States of America leads the free world today, only a lifetime ago he wound have had to sit in a segregated area and been spat on, this is why this world can be and will continue to fight and win over those who choose such a blinkered fearful existence. 

Life is for living, let us live....


Friday, 22 November 2013


This morning I renamed my two fish that swim in my hallway "Rebecca" & "Addlington" Roxanne however has called them "Joey" & "Essex" both re-namings are as important as each other! congratulations to ITV who just got a house talking and a mass fish renaming even after a show came off air 20 hours a go! 

Rebecca you are beautiful, interesting, passionate, real, engaging and above all an inspirational human being, you, yes you are who I want my kid aspiring to be, not, and I write this as a parent, celebrities so far removed from reality they are slowly but surely disappearing up thier own arse! 

Last nights show did way more than make me laugh at Joey, the camp mates and of course the comedy legends Ant and Dec - I have to congratulate the producers on making me and hopefully many more people stop and think about the reality of what's happening around us and what our kids are looking up to and aspiring to be and become!

I honestly believe that a huge tide turned last night, one that's been waiting to turn for a long long time! 

Of course we like to laugh at reality shows, I'm as guilty as the next resident of this country at laughing at others stupidity, flamboyance and disrespect for others. of course these many reality shows are entertaining of course they are what fill our family conversations but last nights show filled my house and my head with a far different, far more inspiring and far more thought provoking topic - the topic of what really is beautiful and what are our next generation actually aspiring to be? 

The huge problem with so many reality shows, as I see it, is our young and a whole generation that want to start changing themselves because they feel less than, not good enough and unable to feel part of normal life as a result of watching our new generation of celebrities constantly trying to change the way they look! 
This in itself is a huge topic and not one I'm going to expand on here but it's amazing that a show like "I'm a Celebrity" brought this to the forefront and really got me thinking! 

I've just read Joeys story from his childhood, well done to the journalist that wrote this story, it's heartbreaking, and as a result of hearing about his journey I'll be far more mindful now when I laugh and become annoyed at his antics, really I will! No wonder he can't tie his shoelaces, blow his nose or tell the time - I feel guilty for even laughing now. I want to laugh with Joey but not at him! 

Everyone has a story and thanks to I'm a celebrity" I have been reminded to not just take people on face value, what's the saying? "Never judge a man unless you've walked a mile in his shoes" 

So I say to you, if you think you're a bit over wieght, if your nose isn't perfect, if you are paler than half the population of Essex, if your hair isn't perfect, if your clothes aren't the latest label, if your car isn't top of the range it matters not one little bit as long as your heart is good, your spirit full and your mind focused, because if you have these three things you shine brighter than any cosmetic dental implant and that in my book is a diamond I'd rather stare at and admire. 

Change for you, be who you want to be, don't change to be who you think is great, that's thier stuff not yours! Lead not follow, make new paths not tread old avenues, don't compromise yourself and who you can really be that's about as real as the very spray tan some of us have had in the past! (me included! It's progress not perfection!) 

I am also as guilty as some I mentiion wanting to change, most of it is positive, some however I am sure will see as vanity. Let me explain, I have a bald spot, I've had it since birth, I cover it with a product not because of vanity but because it covers a childhood of bullying and being calked "Baldy" amongst other things! You see when the fake tits appear, when the constant spay tans are promoted, when watches are worn on ankles it may be for a far deeper reason and not just for us to take this piss out of and laugh at, it may also simply be for vanity, who am I to say, shit I've taken the piss a hundred times out of Harry, Amy and others - guilty as charged, but life is always about change! 

I love we have stars, I love eccentricity, I love the bizarre but I love more that a beautiful woman with a beautiful nose and a huge heart and who went through years of pain, self sacrifice and hours and hours of training to swim one race to win one medal taught us all a lesson last night and made me think, contemplate and re name the fish! 


Saturday, 16 November 2013

A List.....

I got burgled this week and found myself looking at what had been taken. 

Something hit me yesterday as my wife and I sat making a "list" of items lost to someone obviously in a desperate place to enter the private property of another and steal. We, like most of us in the Western world have so much "Stuff" we couldn't possibly list or remember everything that had gone, this in itself was a personal wake up call for me. 

We listed what we knew for sure had gone and the rest, well, the burglar obviously needed it more than us - this however was a huge "Light bulb" moment for me personally and a another lifetime wake up call! 

Stuff is fine, I've worked hard for it and like most parents and spouses I try to give my daughter and wife an amazing life, I also like nice things and dream of better and bigger, that's not a crime, to strive in a healthy way is, in my book, a healthy energy, to work hard for a better life for me and my family is a good thing and I won't feel guilty about it.  The question is how much "Stuff" in our life do we take for granted, how much do we just take as a "Given" and more the point how much "Stuff" do we not pay any attention too or even remember we have?

I came to a huge realisation this week, I've spent way too long not appreciating what I have and have spent way too much of my energy focusing on what I want! I have for way too long focused on everything not in my "Now" 

I've been guilty of running through life without ever stoping and taking in how truly blessed I am but more importantly how special the little things in life are! 

This is why I had a this realization; 

At the same time as we struggled to list our "Stuff" families in the Philippines only wanted to once again hold thier families one more time, to turn back a clock to have just one second with thier children, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers and communities. My "List" seemed pathetic and as I struggled to come to terms with the workings of my new computer while parents with bleeding hands dug deep in ruble looking in desperation for their children that only days a go they watched laughing and playing in the streets and roads now gone for many a year to come! 

Let's is all stop, even just for an hour and make "A list" of all we have, start with things that are free, health, family, friends, love, laughter then move on to what's around us and how easily a simple glass of water is to get,  a soft pillow, a TV to shout at, a door to lock, a wallet to hold money, a tree to buy at the festive season and electricity to light it! This list will grow and grow and it truly is a humbling expeiance! 

Stop, take a breath and look at how blessed we are in the western world at what we have when others, a mere non stop flight away, just want a cup of water and one last hug from a family member they will probably never find. 

You don't have to donate or give but you can stop, for just a moment, and appreciate your life (As I have) and take just a small moment thinking of others and appreciating the very spot you sit or stand in when reading this, no doubt on a tablet, an i-pad, a computer or an expensive phone. 

They took stuff from my home but they did not take my loved ones nor my spirit, laughter or soul - I'm truly lucky and very thankful for that blessing. 

In line with the gesture from Simon to donate money from songs downloaded on tonight's X Factor I shall donate my fee to the same cause, why? Because today I am blessed enough, alive enough that I can! 

I do not write this to ask you to give to any charity, that's your choice, but to simply stop and make a mental list of what beauty lies around us. 

Thanks for reading. 

Wednesday, 13 November 2013


I am guilty as charged for referring to myself as "Just the warm up bloke" way too many times to mention, indeed if I am honest, in some peoples eyes or on some of the shows I have worked on  this is true, I am not so lost in show business to think that my small role is any more important than anyone else's! 

Today I realize that this is not and will never again be the case! Why? Because I am proud of what I do, I give every effort I can when doing it and over the past seven days I think I may have proved, not only to myself but others, (I hope) I am far from "Just" anything! 

I am alive, on top of my game and embracing life on life's terms and trying, wherever possible, to change everything in my life to a positive energy, to give not take, to shine bright and to tread new paths not follow a crowd because I'm scared of choice and change!

This last week has seen me work with some of the biggest stars, not just in this country but in the world, I held together audiences so that the biggest names in TV, radio and music could ply thier trade. Is this a big headed statement? No! It's a statement of pride! 

I write this however not for me to brag about my blessed life but for you, it a small message to the double figured number of you that may or may not read this. 

Don't ever let anybody tell you you are a "Just" , not now not ever! 

You are as important as the next person you stand with, walk with and embrace, YOU are an integral part of life, anyone who questions that needs to remove thier head from the very place they referred to you as "Just!" 

A job title is unimportant, it's just a title! What you are as a human, what you put into this world and what you are prepared to give back to life is important. 

This week I warmed up BBC's Children In Need, The X Factor, worked in a big blue tent for O2, and shook hands with Cliff Richard on Loose Women, I also stood next to and called out the names of some of the biggest stars in music, radio and TV, today however it wasn't just me that stood in the wings and watched Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams sing with the icon Barry Manilow, it wasn't just me that met Cliff, got a picture with Lady GaGa, chatted to Kermit, Gonzo and Miss Piggy or met a man on his stag weekend with only his sister (Don't ask!) no, It was a collection of very very important people,  

Jay my lovely dry cleaner and his charming wife prepared the suit that I stood proud in, the lovely man at my local supermarket who collects the trollies gave me my wobbly trolley to fill with things to make my teeth shine and my belly full, the cobler who gave me comfy shoes to walk in, the brilliant outspoken inspirational father of many who drove me in his car so that I arrived on time, the team who made the dinner at The Apoloo so that I worked with energy, the lady who collected the used dinner plates so that we could eat again today, the person who laminated my pass so that I could get in and out of the building, the man that made the nail so that I could hang said pass with pride in my house, the person who swept my street so that my shoes stayed clean, the guys that stood in the pissing rain in Twickenham to fix a generator so my microphone would work, the lady who cleaned my dressing room so that it was a nice place to walk into, the guy who who stood out all night in the freezing cold to gaurd the building I will work in tonight, the list goes on and on, but it may, if we stop and think for just a minute make all of us realise none of us are a "Just" we are all so much more! 

If we take pride in our work, if we do it selflessly, if we could only, just for a fleeting moment, realise how important we are to life, then this world will be a better place. 

It's not wrong to dream, to hope, to have aspirations, it's not wrong to want better things for ourselves and our families but it is wrong to do it at the expense of others and even worse when we do reach our goals and dreams to forget who helped us along our way and no, not just the boss; the cobbler, the baker and the candlestick maker! 

If you question other people. If you look down on other people, if you choose to point the finger at others for mistakes you have made yourself, if you choose to judge by a look, a smell, a traditional dress, a sexual orientation, a hair cut, a car, a house, a pair of jeans or a job you could never see yourself doing, then you (And I, in the past, am as guilty as the next person) have an opotunity to change, not just us but the way of our  world! 

Let's all stop in our day and take a moment to talk to someone, to smile, to say thank you, to ask how they are. Stop and give someone a moment of your time, give encouragement, give advice, give of yourself freely, why? Because you can! 

In a world where everything cost something, this is utterly free and the best bit of it all is - you will learn something new about a fellow human, what a joy! 

You might just inspire someone to do the same and thus the ball will start to role...

Have I perfected this, not in a million years, but I'm trying and that's all that's important or indeed matters, nobody is perfect! 

Thank for not being "Just" a reader of this little blog, for by reading it, you just did a very kind thing for another, namely me! 


Tuesday, 29 October 2013

All change...

To change ones life is one of the hardest things to do! Why? Well because, for me anyway, the changes have always had to be massive, they had to be prolific and they had to make a difference to everyone, this as I see it now is so wrong on so many levels! Change is so difficult because it is not the easy route, it's the hardest, it's the one that takes the most effort, it's the one that's often embroiled with pain and the one that makes you constantly question yourself, it's the one that separates the true from the false!

The other "Life chaging" mistake I have made my whole life is to change for others - the only reason we do this is to truly hope they will change and has nothing to do with being real or indeed true to oneself, this for me was the constant mistake I made over and over again! 

When searching for true change and freedom of the bondage of "Self" - I kept changing for everybody around me and as a result could not live a true and free life, my masks many, my fantasy world huge, my reality distorted and the people I changed for as fake as the serenity I produced with my false change! 

To transform your life, and this has been my experiene, the changes have to be for and for no other reason than for "self" and not for any other reason. You can change for others, of course you can, but it HAS to sit true in your heart, it has to be that you want the change as much, if not more than those you are changing for, otherwise the change will never ever last, trust me, I've tried and tested it over and over again! 

I spent a life changing to keep others happy, I learnt this from an early age, sadly it was not a life lesson that was either healthy or indeed good but today I can see why I lived a life like I USED too! 

Change is hard, I've spent nine months changing nearly every area of my life and it's hard, painful and most of the time extreamly uncomfortable! 

When change is made the reaction of others can never ever be predicted, in my experience, if one is looking for a reaction to your change then you are in fact changing for the other person rather than yourself! 

I have made many changes to my life recently, some I've stuck with, some I've not yet conquered and some I've completely bought into and embraced, I call it life changing and you too can make change in whatever area you wish in your life, but how? 

For me it started small and I had to experiment what real change actually felt like. I started with socks! I swap and change which way I put my socks on, it felt odd, different, slightly uncomfortable  and awkward but isn't all change? It's socks! What's the worst that could happen? 

After a while the change became normal, it sat with me comfortably and nobody else would be effected by something I did for and most importantly by myself! 

This was the key to change for me as after the socks came many other changes, a list too long to mention here, but change all the same! 

If we keep walking into the same door it's going to keep on hurting, if we decided to open the door (to change) and walk through it or indeed tried a different door, what could possibly go wrong? The fact is you will truly stop hurting yourself if you are brave enough to embrace change! 

This however is where change is so hard for so many, fear blocks us from so much in life and it wasn't until I read the below that it dawned on me that actually the only thing I truly fear in life is myself and my very own fears! 

You see it's taken me a whole life of making everyone happy and ultimately hurting myself in many different ways to realise that while others rejoiced in my actions I sat only in an emptiness and lonleyness that words can't even explain. I of course expected the same back, my expectations so high they were unachievable that the emptyness grew bigger the lonleyness greater and the loathing of others and more importantly myself undescribable! 

To change for others, to follow a path or road you cannot navigate, to place on masks to fit the people your around is about as real as the Wombles on Wimbledon common - you will believe it for a while, you'll convince yourself you are doing good, a fake self esteem will build and you'll drag yourself through the muddy waters of life, but it will be a heavy, long, tiring journey unless you start doing what is best for YOU not everyone around you!

If you tick the "You" box first you will have so much room in your spirit to give not take, to think of others not yourself and more importantly act from a place of inner peace for all the right reasons! 

The joy of how I live today is that I see it not selfish to think of myself first, to Improve myself first, to change myself first, the miracle of all my change is that once I let go of trying to do everything for everyone, once I let go of pleasing everyone, of fitting into everyone's boxes to making sure everyone was happy and going to any length to achieve it true change happened in my life! 

I read recently that the person we spend the most time with in life is ourself, yet it is the person we do the least for - how dumb! If your gonna spend so much time with you, you may as well like the person you are! Kinda simple right? 

Living as I live now I have so much energy to give freely of myself without condition or expectation without want or need, I give because I want to and because I expect nothing in return - this has freed up my heart and soul to do the most wonderful thing - it's called true choice 

Now I choose from a place of serenity not madness, a place of kindness not hatred, a place of truth not lies a place of reality not fantasy! A place of love not hatred. I choose now because I can! 

How did this happen, I put my socks on differently and embraced the little things that we feel when we change! 

Change your route to work, change which side you get out of the bed, change your furniture around, change how you speak to one person , just do the smallest thing to change and watch everything around you change, and you controlled it not one little bit! All you  (And I did) was change ourselves! 

If it's real, heartfelt, spiritual and honest in your heart the world will open up around you and I honestly believe and can testify life will have a whole new meaning! 

If you are free then you have space and if you have space you have so many further places to go in your mind and soul. 

Yes, some change may effect others around you, but if it's true to your heart then I would argue that the hurt will most certainly be less damaging and hurtful than the fantasy of truth you live in, remember those that share your beauty as a human will come with you, walk with you and stand with you - but only if they too can embrace change! 

I get it wrong a lot of the time but the joy of changing for me is; the only person I have to answer to is me! Genius! 

I do not believe for once second the complex human in all it's glory was put on this earth to stand still, so let's move, walk, run, jump, look, embrace and do just one tiny little thing differently today, why? Because you can and it can start with a simple ole sock! 

Thank you for reading and please don't think this anything other than me just sharing my experience of life, nothing more, nothing less. 


Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Dear Steve....

I enjoy my banter with you Steve, your so resentful it's funny. I hold no resentment or hatred towards you, really I don't, to win the biggest show on TV then end up desperately singing in coffee shops must be hard for you - I get that, I've been in the business a long time -  I understand your desperation! 

It's banter Steve, or was! 

Your flippant tweet tonight was, as I see it, a total and utter heartless attack on the brave brave people who saved and lost their lives on 7/7. 

When you've stood on a blood slacked platform surrounded by empty body bags ready to go, when you've watched police officers breakdown, when you've seen the faces of family members holding up pictures of loved ones you know are dead, when you've witnessed the silence and utter shock of a capital and a nation, when you've seen communities come together and embrace each other and a pride in helping others regardless of race or religious beliefs - then please come to the table! 

Until then, you keep shouting out loud how hard done by you were by the very show that gives you a voice to disrespect a county, the finest city in the world and the people that lost and saved lives on the darkest day my besutiful Great Britain suffered! 

You owe your nation an apology - I won't hold my breath. 


Friday, 11 October 2013


The X Factor live shows are upon us and as the clock ticks towards the start of a show that has been such a huge part of my life for ten years, I am, if honest, a tad emotional and as always, a little nervous! 

As the clock ticks ever closer....

Gary will be sat cooly in his dressing room with the lovely "Team Barlow" no doubt gripping his pre show freshly made brew and dressed like the front cover of the latest GQ magazine, Louis's laugh will echo out of the most popular dressing room and Nicole will be getting ready to grace the studio with great charm and beauty and preparing new phrases we'll all be uttering over the following weeks! 

Most importantly though Fountain Studios and The X Factor will welcome back Mrs O, yes Great Britain, "Mum's home!" We are again going to see why she is one of the greatest judges of all time and the definition of an A list star! 

As the clock ticks.....

The "Light Up" coffee machine in the canteen, which makes noises worthy of the launch of the Appollo 7, will go into overdrive, someone yes someone will have a meltdown about a parking space and the buzz in studio will start to become electric. 

As the clock ticks....

The acts will pace the corridor so much a trail will be left after 10 weeks, like the brown patches left on the grass after two weeks of Wimbledon, 

As the clock ticks.....

Caroline & Matt will pop up and out of every single crevice around the studio with never ending wind ups and much laughter and we, as a family, will welcome Matt to his new family, Jammie Stevens will cut wash and blow dry the hair of everyone and give us styles worthy of the Paris fashion show and Julia will apply more make up than kitty had eyelashes!

As the clock ticks.....

The show will bring tears, emotion, rows, silences, shocks and laughter and tonight the countdown from the gallery will begin - the music will start, the cameras will swing into position, Mark Baker and I will raise our arms to a baying crowd that have Q'd for hours and without question they will scream, cheer and feel the buz of one of the greatest shows on earth! 

As the clock ticks...

The famous music will echo around studio, smoke and explosions will fill the air, the now famous double doors will open and the fitter than fit, elegant, calm, cool and our Mr Saturday, Dermot will walk forward like a man leading an army! 

As the clock ticks....

We will sit upright to the command "Your Saturday night starts right here" and ten years of magical TV will once again enter your homes.... for tonight is the night we look back with fond memories of auditions and drama, from car parks, to arenas, to houses to The Live studio.... 

As the clock ticks....

I hope you come join us and be part of the greatest show on earth, why? Because it's your show, not ours! 

Let's make dreams come true, watch lives change and embrace the show that's changed so many lives, delivered dreams that didn't exist ten years a go and made us scream, shout, cry and throw things at our TV! 

As the clock ticks....

This ladies and gentleman is The X Factor, 10 years old and bigger, better, brighter and greater than ever! 

Let's do this.... Together! 


Monday, 7 October 2013


On my way back from Loose Women yesterday I walked past a crying girl called Kelly - I know her name because I chose to stop, I chose to take 2 minutes out of my day, my very privalaged day, to listen, just for a moment. 

I listened to Kelky explain briefly that today it was all getting too much, that normally she "could handle it" - I know and have experienced this cry before! 

She explained she was on a waiting list at St Mungo's - a place for the homeless yet she could not get in, heartbreaking. 

She was young, had an energy about her and was so obviously in a desperate place. 

I do not write this for any other reason than to ask you, (and to make a mental note to myself) how much time we take out of our day to simply think of another help another or just simply give out a smile?

Yesterday I jumped on a train after working in a TV studio to be picked up by my wife in our very nice car to go home and talk to my wife about V.A.T before unpacking the £150 shopping before picking my daughter up from a lovely school to go home watch TV on my big TV, eat good food in the warm and laugh and more importantly love. 

Kelly is on "a list" for a bed and some food and she was openly crying in a street in London because this very simple need was not being met, this should never ever be the case in one of the richest cities in the world - not ever! 

To cry publicly as you walk along is reaching a point of desperation, I am as guilty as the next person for being so indulged in my own high class problems and stuck up my own arse. I can forget my fellow human and stop looking around! How often do we have our heads stuck in our phones busy looking at what a make believe world is doing with its life, if we look up we may just see what a real world is doing with its life and it doesn't need a keyboard, 140 characters or a send button! 

Kelky and I made a pinky promise - I'll pray she gets a break in life, a hot meal and a life she and every human deserves, a life with some love in it, a hand to hold and a pillow to put her head on at night. 

Spare 2 minutes of your time today, give twitter, Facebook and the email account a ten minute rest and look up, take in life and maybe just maybe your smile might just make someone's day! 

Sometimes as my inspiring wife explained yesterday - people just need someone to listen, and more importantly a pinky promise. 

Roycey x

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

The last of three..


I was gutted to have to pull out of yesterday's half marathon, the pain in my knee was really too much, if I'm honest I shouldn't have really even started the race as have not been able to train correctly with shooting pains. 

I will however finish the race as soon as the pain subsides and I've had it looked at, thank you again for giving so generously - I promise to finish what I started that much you can be sure of. 


At some point in early 2013 (Not the best time in my personal life!) I decided to complete three challenges for myself and more importantly the NSPCC. 

Well it's two down and one to go, for me it's the one I am dreading the most.... its running and I don't do running! 

The first two challenges were amazing for both myself and the money's raised for the NSPCC, I reached goals I only ever saw others achieve and broke mental barriers that have stood in my path for so long, I've lost toe nails and had blisters where I thought it medically impossible to even find a blister and I've laughed, grunted, sworn and shed a couple of tears along the way! 

So much more importantly though I have managed to raise over 5k for an amazing charity and hopefully help in providing a safe place for a child in need of love and protection when they know only fear and abandonment! 

Can I take this Oppotunity to personally thank each and everyone of you for sparing your hard earnt money to such an amazing charity and the beautiful encouraging words you have written on my just giving page.  

At the begining of the year I lay on a bed wanting to end my life, today I run wanting to live it to the full - that's a message I thought I would never write and one I hope anyone suffering can gain strength from, that after all has been and will constantly be my motivation for doing what I am doing and being who I am today! 

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart...

To help save a suffering child please give if you can to:



To text a donation; 

Type IANR88 and amount to 70070

Thursday, 26 September 2013

A letter....

I read a letter sent to the Daily Mail today and I wish to reply! 

Dear Mr Simpson. 

Melvin, Hugh, Joan and Anne are rarely on the radar of our TV's now, I think you are holding a long time resentment which you must let go of, try to let go of this and focus on something positive, may I suggest Barlow, Nigh, the centre of the bed and Willis or McCall, yes, change direction, the view may surprise you and wash a whole new landscape on which to admire! 

Vince cable and the whole shadow government is a tough one but should the "Sickness" be so great may I suggest joining the Conservative party and making a change rather than just sitting in your armchair spouting off? Without opposition we become "Unaposed" a very dangerous position for any country to be in, need evidence? Just have a look at Zimbabwe! 

Squatters and travelers, you are not sick of them, you are scared of them! Go talk to one, go walk a mile in their shoes and find something out about their lives before judging from a distance! You may find some empathy or even some understanding of why they do what they do and be who they be, shit, you may even buy a caravan and spend a Friday evening "Grabbing!"

Pop music, you're not sick of it, you're just getting old - admit it and tune your "Wireless" into Alied Jones or Chris Evans and embrace the music of yesteryear, it's ok to travel back to the "Old Days" when the volume "Dial" only turned up to "10" 
If you send me your e-mail address I will forward you "One Directions" "Little Things" I defy you not to then love "Pop Music"

British Food, are you mad! Go make a Sheposrds pie, a fish pie or a steak and kidney pie then proceed straight to the naughty corner to eat some well earned humble pie, a very "British" dish and one we don't often have the courage or conviction to do! 

Surveillance Cameras are responsible for more police convictions than police officers, think again, I mean God forbid a "Gypsy" park on the double yellow line outside your house and not be seen by the watchful eye of are law enforcement agencies! If you have nothing to fear and are law abiding, they should bother you not! To get rid of "Surveillance cameras" is to close down ITV2 - what the hell would I watch after a late night "British" dish of Chicken Tika Masala!  

As for pensions, terrorists and bishops, go anywhere in this world and you will have the same problem, sorry, this is not a "British" problem but a worldwide one - you are seriously screwed on this point as we all are, you just gotta swallow this one up!

You have no money? You spent it! Don't start bitching to me or the world because you don't have any!" Not this countries fault - it's yours! 

This country is here to be loved, but as with any relationship you, yes YOU Mr Simpson have to meet it halfway, you have to at least turn up for the date to feel its love! 

Try give, give, give rather than take take take and you sir will feel the soul, spirit and love of this great country wrap it's arms around you! 

Stop blaming everyone and everything for the country you sit in, get off your fat arse and go make a difference, go make a change, go meet it halfway, go lead not follow! 

She is ready to love you once more, you just need to show some compassion, care and most importantly committment, then and only then will you truly have victory over Anne Robinson, Vince Cabel and god forbid Yourself! 

Kindest regards. 

A proud resident of Great Britain..

Q "You Raise me up!"  


I found myself actually having a conversation today with someone at a London tube station - I know right, shocking! 

It came about on the elevator at Waterloo mainline train station that drops down into the depths of London. I treated myself before heading below ground to inhale the dark dust of London to a very refreshing Starbucks blackcurrent frozen drink thingy, it's joyous and pretty calorie low, anyway I started sucking on it like a mad man and quickly got the good old "Head Freeze" I started to place mytongue on the roof of my mouth (to warm it up and halt the impending instant migraine, something I learnt from a man from Barbados while wincing over a Rum Punch some 15 years a go!) and started (unknowingly) tutting like a pompous lanky twat, the problem arose that I was doing on the downward left side of the escalator which was blocked by the confused tourist who us unaware that "left" is for walking and "right" is for standing 

Anyway I found myself stood behind a lovely young lady who suddenly turned with a look that would rival one very pissed off Simon Cowell, suddenly and by pure fluke I realised I had been tutting behind her for at least two revelations of the giant wheel that carries thousands a day into the network if sweaty grumpy commuters! 

The look on her face quickly changed when I burst out laughing in a state of panic that she actually thought I could be so rude as to even "Tut" 

She laughed as I tried to explain the ice drink headache tutting thing - we both laughed, we struck up an enjoyable polite  3 minute conversation and both went ourseparate  ways to wherever we were going! 

Is this worthy of a blog I hear you ask?100% yes,strangers talked but more importantly laughed with not one other  motive in a place where conversation lis simply a taboo! 

This got me thinking about coffee shops and the very drink we consume hourly (Well some of us!) 

My local train station has an amazing man called Mo, who serves his many hot drinks out of what can only be described as a solar powered noddy van (Some of you may have to google that) he knows everyone's name, everyone's coffee and more importantly is always the smile at the begining of the early morning commute. 

I got chatting to Mo today and the Koran, the Muslim religion, the Hygab and the world of Allah, in a simple 10 minutes I listened and learnd so much about his beliefs and that of his religion - I listend carefully to what worries him about the myths that ultimately effect him and his family, I listend to how much he loves this country and how happy he is to abide by its laws and rules. 

You see it wasn't just a coffee it was an education - so often we travel through life making assumptions about others without ever asking or speaking about or to the very thing or person we are so ready to spout off about. 

So today I laughed with a stranger and learnt much about a religion and all I did was was visit two coffee shops - try talking, opening your mind and watch knowledge flow, for through knowledge we grow and through an ice drink and a late I laughed and learnt! 

Monday, 16 September 2013

Lets get fit together!

I'm now in to full swing with my new fitness regime and I'm loving it! 

It wasn't too long ago that the very thought of a gym filled me with fear - to be honest the closest I ever got to keeping fit was bending down to my printer to collect my monthly direct debit which, like for so many people, is an irremovable amount from that long list we stare at each month - to remove it is to be defeated from the once glorious notion that you too (And i) could have the body of even one of these two! 


I'm trying most of the classes at my Nuffield gym (I'm sure all gyms offer pretty much the same) with only a few left to try on the "Roycey does them all list" 

Zumba is most enjoyable so far and remains top of my list, Why? I'm just loving the freedom of expression and a chance to dance like a man free of caring what anyone thinks and doing it sober and in the daylight hours makes it so more fulfilling! 

When you come from a place I've come from you have little or no self esteem and you have probably spent a lifetime trying to keep everyone happy and more the point constantly worry about what everyone thinks of you - it's truly draining! 

Today (Through much work on many levels) I care not what prople think of me Why? Because I respect the person I am today and have no real idea who that old fag puffing pot bellied, tired eyes grumpy, self loathing Roycey was! 

A good example of "Not giving a toss" was a while back when I got called a "Poof" for simply mentioning the very fact that I could "Twerk" in "Zumba!" This effected me not one bit other than the terminology which was both bigoted and frankly insulting to the whole gay community! Now if we were to rewind the clock a few months and years and I would have left Zumba quicker than the irish women from Big Brother! (No, me either) Today however it just makes me work harder! 

Why I hear you cry? (Or not as the case may be!)

The gym, classes, boxing, walking on a 28 hour charity event, cycling 100k, spin, sit-ups, crunches, the plank, it has built up an inner strength and belief and a amazing things I never knew existed grew from within; "Self Worth" "Self respect" and the most life changing "Pride"

I dance in a room filled with 15 passionate ladies dancing like we were in the middle of a packed Cuban night club, poof? Whatever! 

The one slight problem I will face should I ever dance the Zumba dance outside the safety of my dance class is I am learning with and from women, so I am learning the "Female" moves and not the "Butch" male ones - do I care - nah, I'll just throw in a few grunts to cover my obvious campness! 

When you come from a place of little or no self esteem it's difficult to see any way of finding anything to make you happy, (Trust me i tried everything) after a while you slip down into a very dark place, most doctors give this the title of depression and rightly so, it's not a pretty place but I have a solution which may go a little way to throwing you a ray of hope from the day to day grind and loneliness of life! 

I found out something profound in my life recently, if your hurting inside the only way to fix it is from the inside out, NOT the outside in, the gym is the perfect solution should you feel the same way! Start slowly and watch your confidence grow! Watch yourself start to believe in yourself, watch yourself become proud of your body, watch your lifestyle change and watch your mind body and soul take a new path! 

I write this blog not for me, im doing it and feeling the results so don't need telling, I'm writing this in the hope just one person may go for a walk, try a run, do a sit up or honestly commit to a simple one month of gym membership! I have  found a very small way of filling my mind and soul with positivity that I searched for and craved for, for so so long - I've got "Self esteem!" And I LOVE IT! 

I honestly wish I could film myself giving it all I have for an hour in Zumba and you would see the biggest smile EVER! I get it wrong, I throw in a few of my own steps, I sweat, I swear but most of all my chest grows and I feel amazing as I depart and walk (Head held high) onto the damp streets of Croydon! More than this I've  made some friends,I talked to someone rather than an e-mail, a tweet or a Facebook message,  I have a great laugh and more importantly I did something positive just for me!  Not for one other person, yep, something for YOU! 

I truly can't find any negatives! 

Yoga is now staring at me to try it, the problem is I can get bored very quickly, but try it I will, along with a few other classes on offer! So much on offer and so many challenges to try how much more exciting than staring at twitter getting all het up nobody is tweeting you or waiting for an e mail from someone who doesn't really give a toss about you! 

Boxing is my new found love and it is bloody brilliant (I go to Rose Hill Boxing club and I get bandages on my hands and everything!) and truly uplifting, I have the most amazing trainer, Ian, and not only does he push me, I now have the confidence to push myself - I've even named myself the "Wallington Whirlwind" which could not be further from the truth! Imagine the move you make when walking into a spiders web and you kinda get the idea of my combinations! Having said that I found some things I have never seen before - muscle! Give me a mirror and I'm kissing the guns - vanity? No! Pride! (Ok, maybe just a tad of vanity!)

For those who knew me before and have been in my company they will happily tell you that prolonged exercise, determination, focus and hard graft for goals and aspirations to be met didn't appear too high on the "old Royce's" list - today, just below my family and equal to my career, they sit nicely in second spot - a bit like Man U will do behind Liverpool come May next year! (That's for you Ian & Tim, get ready Mr Ramsay, you're cooking!) 

If you're feeling low, lack confidence, think your worthless, have no "get up and go", if you have that "Cant be bothered attitude" simply take a step into the world of a gym and I categorically promise you this - you will have a new purpose, new energy, new goals but importantly you will know a new you, full of what it takes to meet this world head on. But and it's a huge but, it's going to take effort, it's going to hurt, it's going to take done commitment but you will feel a inner achievement that YOU did just for YOU! 

I won't blab on about my weight loss, muscle gain, healthier lifestyle, the changes I've made, I don't need to, get into exercise and they will naturally come for you too. 

Today I walked into The London Studios and a very lovely Irishman who execs and makes fantastic TV for ITV (I won't mention his name) said to me "You look bloody fantastic Roycey (He actually said it twice) those two comments made every single trip, bead of sweat, dance move and sit up worth while, that's called "Pride" and it felt brilliant! 

My life has changed and the gym and exercise has been an integral part of the new Roycey! Why not come and join me on the journey? lets dance like nobody cares, run like our life depended on it, spin like Bradley, swim like there was a bar at the end of the pool and most importantly change, from the inside! 

Try it - it works, honestly it does. 

Thanks for reading. 


Thursday, 22 August 2013

Come join me.....


Ok this didn't go to plan! I became the grumpiest man on earth, yep, grumpier than normal! I will stop, it's not that far away but in the words of Mrs R "Please start again!" 

If you've stopped as a result of the below, then you will, in the not too distant future, inspire me! 

I took the plunge on what I see to be my last bad vice to conquer in what has been the most self sacrificing life changing year of my life, Yes, I write this as a non smoker! 

Why is it when you stop something, wether it be smoking, drinking, eating shit food it would seem  every single person you bump into or pass or look at is doing the very thing you are trying to stop? 

A few things have shocked me now the fags and lighters have gone and all are, suprisingly, really positive! 

I can smell stuff, I can taste stuff but worst of all I can smell a smoker from 40 yards! Being in my company must have been like sticking your head in a life size ashtray! 

I gave up for a few reasons, the most important one was my daughter Roxanne who some months a go pleaded with me to stop, I wasn't really in a place then to even consider her caring and loving cries to help me live longer, thank God I am today!  

A huge player in the Roycey "Smoking" change was Gary Barlow, he has been moaning about my fag breath for two years now and recently at "Bootcamp" he gave me "The Look" this was followed a few moments later by Louis good friend  Liam, who works closely with him. I went to say hi and he looked me straight in the eye and said "You stink of smoke" that was the last straw for me and the decision was made deep in the "vice corner" of my brain! 

I visited my doctor first to try and get a pill by the name of "Champix" however with a side effect of "Depression" it wasn't the greatest of ideas for me, so my charming doctor sent me packing to a pharmacy, yes, any pharmacy! 

I was un-aware that our brilliant NHS now offers a full supportive programme to give up at any pharmacy - so off I trotted to a fellow school parents shop and stood proud as I announced "I want to stop smoking!" 

The support is amazing, it's a full dedicated programme to help you reduce the nicotine intake at a safe manageable speed and it's tried and tested! 

If I needed any reason to stop, the carbon monoxide reading underlined my decision beautifully. The top mark on the "Reading card" was 25+ I blew 50! 

I've made so many changes to my "Me" recently and it has been truly amazing! I've conquered fears, stood up to what I believe to be right, changed old habits and re focused on every single area of my life, easy? Fuck no! But the rewards are simply beautiful. 

If you have just one small thought of stoping smoking, come join me, we can do this together! 

Honestly, if I can stop, anyone can stop! 

Here ends the smoking preaching blog! 

Friday, 2 August 2013

An the award goes to....

The worst thing about returning from a holiday is having to put shoes & socks on its a friggin outrage and the true "Bring us backdown to earth with a bump" moment! Do you think if you lived in a country where flip-flops were the order of the day you'd get a few excitable butterflys packing brogues and stripy socks in ya case?  
Just a thought!

We can be an inventive lot - loved this picture of a gypsy community making use of hay bails to make a swimming pool! 

I love my Royal family, (For those who follow me on twitter, read my blogs and watch me on Sky news, you will know that it's a bit of a passion of mine!) So I was overjoyed to see the greatest job description EVER for the very beautiful Duchess of Cambridge - "Princess of the United Kingdom" 

She fills the role beautifully and I for one will pay for it all day long, as I would for the Queen, Phillip, the amazing Prince Charles, Camilla, our newest dad, Prince William and yes my favourite, Prince Harry, who in my opinion should never ever change! I actually like the idea that I bought him a beer by way of my taxes in Vegas, in my mind this was a better use of my tax than my local refuge collection service! (See a couple of blogs a go!) 

I walked on a stage for the first time at the age of 7, it was the school talent show and I did a comedy routine pretending to lift weights, I had the whole junior school in stitches. My second role was the "Scarecrow" in "The Wizzard of Oz" which I performed in a strong Yorkshire accent (My place of birth!) which during the audition in front of my first class in Junior school won me the role, my third was to be my first lead role in a production called "The Car" at the much coverted Grayshott Hall, The play was supposed to be a serious drama but in good ole' Roycey fashion I made it a lighter more laughable affair making the steering wheel of the car fall off at the pinacle moment! (I just couldn't resist!)

My point being I have dreamed my whole life of collecting an award, it's kinda the ultimate people pleasing accolade, the recognition of your piers and the moment you get to say to yourself "I did it" If any performer tells you awards mean nothing they're lying! So even back at the tender age of 7 it was about being the best at what I did and wining the award! The lovely Amanda Holden has her Oscar speech already written and if anyone has ever seen my Mandy act then you too will know that it is only a question of time before we hear her read it to Hollywood. 

The thing is awards can be awarded for oneself by oneself, you don't need an audience, a cheer, a gong, a speech or even a designer dinner suit, you just need to sit with yourself and be proud of the achievement - that is the greatest award of them all and you don't need a limo to get there, just hard work and a passion that if you're born with will never disappear!

There is however a but, isn't there always! 

A letter arrived that I should attend an "Award Ceremony" on a Saturday afternoon some years a go at 4pm sharp! At last after years in show business I was to be recognised, I would be presented the award in front of my close friends, family and neighbours! 

After a sleepless night and choosing my designer outfit I decided to walk to the much converted Ceromony, I never ever want to get too stuck up my own arse and forget how long the journey has been (Although I have lost my way a few times - guilty as charged and head now hopefully out of my arse!)

And here was the greatest award.....

I know, my real name is "Starr" the irony eh! (And no I don't live there anymore!)

After months and months of watering, pruning, deadheading and cultivating I won an award (Be careful what you wish for!) If my memory serves me correctly II didn't even enter myself, I think someone else entered me although I could be wrong! 

So this was the wining display! 

I won this award through hard work, commitment and the same passion that llives in my heart today.  So many an evening was spent watering and I have so many stories to share! My neighbours J & B announced their engagement, E & L got pregnant (Not in the garden!) and told me while watering! I met my first ballet dancer (Not including my wife!) and struck up a friendship with a beautiful family who escaped a war torn Afghanistan, I met and would chat to the sweetest kindest retired WW2 R.A.F pensioner and listened to his amazingly brave stories and watch him walk off to the West End to collect on Poppy Day,  I watched my neighbour Claudia fall in love (It took forever!) I met two cats and enjoyed watching the various outbreaks of road rage on the small road that ran outside my flat! The downside -  I used enough water to cause the 2005 hosepipe ban! Sorry London - my fault! 

The Ceromony was not to be the glorious affair I had spent the sleepless night before dreaming about however! It became clear very quickly that Mr Ononobolis and his delightful wife were not happy with loosing the award to a middle aged bloke who just loved to water his hydrangers! (They had won first prize for years and years) They brought along thier friends and when they were called forward to collect the second prize, it was met with cheers and huge claps, when I was called forward it seemed only the bloody local Councilor seemed genuinely happy that the "yout'" had taken up gardening. 

After picking up my award and a £25 voucher for the stunning Clifton Gardens garden centre (25 quid would buy you an emoty pot if you were lucky but still a beautiful garden centre if your ever in the area) I went to shake the hand of Mr and Mrs O and was not far off being blanked, this was turning into a bloody nightmare! Sorry Mr Onobolis for interrupting your good run but my front garden was better! 

I have since moved and driving past the old flat the other day I can now clearly see that Mr O (I keep writting "O" as the spelling of his surname is getting on mine and my predictive texts tits!) must now be back in possession of the very sought after much celebrated "Harrow Road Front garden and window box competition"  because sadly it was left to die away and now resembles a photo of the London Mayor "Boris" hair - it actually made me sad, the garden not the hair, I love Boris! 

There is a lesson here (I know, here I go again!) if you sit in ya house the only person you are going to talk to is you, if you stare at your TV shouting at the state of our country and moaning endlessly at the shit state of your road, village, town or city then sorry you really do only have yourself (ourselves) to blame! 

FFS (just so the kids think I'm "with it!") get out, water your garden, make a flower box or even pick a weed! You might even get a hello, you might even get to know a neighbour you might better understand the plight of a family new to our country, you may not be so quick to slag off the noisy kids oppisite, you may make a friend, if only with the local cat, you might be the only hello an old person has had for hours or even days and you might, just might start the ball rolling in a thing called "community!" 

The award for me wasn't for a great garden, it was for the people I met, the stories I heard and the memories I can now keep! 

So Mr Cameron and Mr Mayor, worry not about plowing millions into focus groups on how to "build a community" just buy everyone a window box and a plant and watch our country and communities grow and blosom once more as we start the very simple process of talking to each other! 

Thank you for reading! 

NB. I did my own grammar again, so go with it and if in doubt, use your imagination!