Thursday, 30 May 2013

What now?

It's been the most frightening 14 days (To be fair the most frightening life) with more drama, emotion and fear than I could have ever possibly imagined!

You gave me strength and courage when I had none and yesterday I turned a huge corner in my life. 

So what now? 

It's now time to live for the future, to be an example for what life can be like, free of fear, pain and loneliness.  

I still have so much to face from my past but this will be done privately and with the professionals who surround me today. 

To keep living in my past is not helpful, healthy or in anyway a positive to those who still suffer, it's time to be an example of what life can be like!

I am excited about living free of those who for so long controlled me and free of so many negative painful emotions. 

I cannot thank you enough for standing with me, it is without question the most humbling emotional experience I have ever had. 

And for those who shared your experience and made a step into the light - you are so brave and I'm ready to stand with you. 

I shall continue to raise as much money as humanly possible for the NSPCC and have a plan for a mammoth challenge in 2014. 

So stand by universe, I'm ready to shine and live a life full of hope, courage and  love - I've waited long enough! 

Thank you

Roycey x


Saturday, 25 May 2013

M - the true inspiration.

Lots has been said and written about me and my struggles, fights, battles and recent triumphs over the past week. I've had so much support, love, kindness and friendship and as a result I don't feel so alone, scared or full of fear. 

After so so many years I see a light and feel hope that I can change. It's amazing although I know the road is long. 

But, and it's a huge but, someone has stood by me, carried me, picked me up, cried with me, laughed with me, held my hand, stroked me and stood by me when most would have left so very long a go 

That person is my wife, Martha. 

She is the strongest, bravest most caring loving patient women i have ever met and she is nothing less than my inspiration! 

To be very honest she is the very reason I'm still standing and gave me the strength to open up from a silent hell.

She has put up with so much, which sadly, is the result of living with a man who held a painful past. 

So this walk I do today, this life I have today  i dedicate to her. because without my Martha I'd still be in that very dark forest. 

Thank you for listening. 

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

"I wish to report a crime"

I walked into a police station yesterday and I reported persons for the offences I pointed out in my last blog.

I have never ever been so scared in all my life, I honestly felt like a small boy walking up the steps of the police station, but I did it!

The officer who dealt with me was both caring, sympathetic, attentive but above all and so importantly professional to the end, she made it a calm place to talk about what I have held up for so very very long, I swear if there was not a screen between us I would have hugged her.

I'm proud I did it, I am happy I did it and now justice can prevail.

I have an appointment to attend and make full statements 8 days and have put a support system in place straight after to protect myself and the emotions I will no doubt be feeling.

For those who who suffer like I did, before taking such a step please make sure you have a support system around you as your about to tell all to a stranger.

Silent no more.


Friday, 17 May 2013

I hope I can help just one, thats my prize!

I am walking 100k a week today and the walk letter sent out asked anyone to send an e-mail in to say why they were walking the 100k, the best one will win a prize.

My prize - let only one person makes a call fir help and my prize will be the greets ever.

Please bear with me, its taken 31 years to have the courage to write it....

I have suffered in silence for 31 years, full of shame, fear, anger, loneliness and self loathing, today I suffer those feelings no more and I have to, really I do, let anyone else who reads this and who feels those same feelings, know that its ok to feel them, but, and its a huge but, you need not suffer anymore. 

If I can do it, then so can you, you just HAVE to believe... 

So with a deep breath, a large glass of a chilled white and some inner courage and some hard work over the past months, here goes....

31 years a go I was raped, some 6 years later I was raped again, multiple times. 

I have, for 31 years thought it was my fault, that I was to blame, that somehow it was of my making and for 31 years I have put on a very thick mask and juggled life’s game very well, but while alone and sitting with myself it was a very different story, a dark, scary, very painful story. Sadly you can only juggle for so long and inevitably I started to drop the balls and the cracks started to show. 

Over the past 18 months it has been very difficult to even exist, I could not even walk past a shop without headlines taking me back to the scariest points of my life and to be honest I hit my self destruct button.

Thanks to the most amazing wife and a small voice in the deepest part of my soul I admitted my past to the most amazing doctor and within what seemed like minutes I had the most amazing support network around me, and you, if you have suffered the same as I, can have it too, but it takes a leap of faith that I understand today may seem incomprehensible..... but know this...


I tried everything to dull my pain, nothing worked apart from facing it, dealing with it and most importantly ASKING FOR HELP!

I’m not professional enough to help you nor strong enough to pick you up and carry you but i can point you in the right direction and shout from the top of my voice Today I have no shame, guilt and fear and you can have this too.
So this my friends is why I am walking 100km, riding 100km and running a half marathon, why? because today I can and today I want the NSPCC to be well enough funded to help someone who I know is very scared right now.

And a message to those who took my dignity, youth and soul, you scare me no more and today I'll define myself, your power over me ended a few months a go. scared? Welcome to what I USED to feel....

Thank you for listening. 

Roycey x

For help from the professionals go to: 

YOU are NOT alone...

Saturday, 11 May 2013

Meet the golden ones....

It's the BAFTA's tonight, well the TV one anyway, and this reminded me of a warm up I was booked for a few years a go at "The Grosvenor House Hotel" for The BAFTA TV awards hosted by the stunning and very funny Davina.

Now this was a huge warm up, not only did anyone who is anyone attend this event, it would be a marvellous time to showcase myself as something other than "The warm up bloke"

I went and purchased a new dinner suit, new dinner shirt and all the bits that go with it, one thing I have always known is that to walk on any stage dressed in a good suit or good clothes can up your game by at least 10%, feeling a million dollars is so important to feeling good inside! (I'm turning into Gok!)

So up early that day, off for a facial, haircut, sun bed, nail trim, eyebrow trim, teeth whitening and eventually the trusted Addison Lee turns up outside my flat. It is pissing down, no that's an understatement, its a bloody monsoon.

I arrive at the greatest ballroom this country has to offer and I am beyond excited!

To work "The Great room" is an honour, to have dinner in it is just the same!! although many a performer will tell you it is a comics graveyard, but I have never been one to blame "The room"

I meet the various producers, their are many, and get a hug of Davina, which is always a treat for anyone working this life of show business (I love Davina, always have, always will!) I share some banter with the two floor managers Nick and Mark and they can sense my obvious excitement at working at such a prestigious event! They are however swapping some rather odd looks between each other as my excitement grows!

The female exec on the show finds me and introduces me to Clive she says "You look amazing Roycey, this is Clive, he will get you an umbrella" I look over his shoulder and see Mark Backer and Nick Keene two brilliant floor managers, giggling like two school children about to watch the greatest prank ever unfold!

"Umbrella?" I say with a tad of confusion in my voice, she turns on her heels and its me and Clive. Now Clive is about 18 obviously on his first job and wearing a dinner suit he borrowed off his much smaller dad, he seems like a nice enough guy but he has a radio and this can turn the sweetest of runners into a fucking monster!

I follow Clive who is still trying to work out what he is suppose to do with his radio and is constantly trying to send pointless messages!

After a short 5 minute walk we arrive at a flooded red carpet and a grandstand of about 20 people who are drenched to the skin with one holding a banner painted banner saying "We love you Simon" which has run in the rain and now says "W u mon"

I presume at this point that Clive is just showing me the celebrities arriving so when i get to warm up the "Great Room" in front of my piers I will have a better idea of my audience, sadly I was about to be put in my place and wonder if the teeth whitening, hair cut and new shinny shoes was all worth it!

Clive passed me the umbrella and said "Right you need to run up and down the red carpet and every time a celebrity arrives you need to get the crowd (60 drenched people and one banner holding nutter) screaming...

"What about warming up the "Great Room" I said!

"Clive smiled "Oh you don't have a pass for the great room, that's for VIP's only" as if that wasn't enough he pressed his radio button and said "The warm up bloke is on the carpet and I am about to tell him what to say" I really had to pinch myself from saying "Oh do fuck off!" but I have learnt that to smile and agree is the essence of this fine business we call "Show"

Clive then spent the next 20 minutes telling me what to say to get the crowd going, i listened, smiled and nodded after all Clive had a degree in Media, who the fuck was I to argue!

To say I was gutted would be a mile from the truth, but run up and down I did and after an hour of a ruined suit, fucked shoes and an ego properly dented I promised myself that one day I would walk the red carpet myself and without doubt hug Clive at the end!

Every celebrity I had worked with in previous years had a good laugh at my expense running up and down a soaked red carpet getting the crowd to cheer them when they arrived, only one came over to say hello, thank you "U Mon" it made the bloke in the ruined new suit smile, if only inwardly!

What I did do and what I have done my whole career is put it down to learning, pissed off at the time I was, but it will just make the real red carpet walk so much more poignant when it comes and it will come!

I could give you hundreds of examples like this, The Royal Variety performance in front of Prince Charles, BBC Children In Need rocks The Royal Albert Hall, An audience with Celine Dion, the national Television awards, the list goes on and on, but I think I will save it for my book, which I doubt I will ever write!

Good luck to Graham Norton tonight and to whoever gets the job of running up and down a red carpet, at least the sun is shining!

Its been a pretty amazing week for me this week personally. It would be remiss of me to not admit that the past few months have been somewhat challenging, but out of the darkness I have stepped! its a comics thing and only those that make people laugh for a living will truly understand, we are a weird ole' bunch!

I made my first omelet this week!

I decided I want to live here for at least 2 weeks!

I did some DIY this week! It was time to take down my rotten shed.

DIY started 0910
First aid box sought 0915
Google search for "Shed removal" 0926

Rule one....If you are going to a "Family fun day" be prepared to add to your family!

Please meet, Simon, David, Alisha and the most beautiful Amanda all of who are doing very well thanks to a very expensive visit to "Pets at Home"

I will leave you with some of the photos sent into me this week after asking my lovely twitter followers for some pictures of their teddy bears, utter genius and wrong on so many levels!


Have a lovely week.....

Monday, 6 May 2013

Burnt Bagel!

So it would seem summer is here although I fear we are being led into a false sense of security! I remember feeling this happy last year then we had some rain that lasted until October, so I am not getting my hopes up, just enjoying each piece of sun as it comes.

Summer seems to arrived and I feel "Summer laws" should be brought into stature with immediate effect!

1. Men are only permitted to remove their tops in designated areas, which do not include, Asda, the pub, walking down a street or whilst driving a scaffold lorry.

2. Crocks are banned for anyone over the age of 6.

3. The lighting of a bonfire in your garden is now banned if your house is within 1/2 mile of another.

4. Anyone found wearing socks with sandals will be shot.

5. Anyone wearing a T-Shirt tucked into shorts will be shooting the above before serving 1 year in prison.

6. People who drive for a living are here by given a special holiday to brown up the other arm!

7. Solar panels in peoples roofs banned with immediate effect! It looks shit and saves you about £175 a year, swallow it!

For those asking if The Voice and The X Factor are enemies, don't be so stupid! The location of the first round of auditions in Scotland did have me thinking that the location manager has got a huge pair of balls.

I went to Cosco and bought my daughter a pool for the summer (equipped with cup holders) having a water meter you can imagine my mood (after spending three hours to fill the bloody thing up) as I went to view the master piece some 2 hours later!

Dear men in a relationship, if you buy the below for your living room I can categorically tell you that getting laid will not happen for many a month!

This is what happens when I get on the phone to my mum....but she is worth it!

It's one of life"s great debates, I'm an A kinda guy!

It took me a while!

One of the most annoying things is being late, so when you're sat on the front carriage and you pull into London Victoria you know you are going to gain a couple of minutes, however when you step off the train and this greets you......I'll leave the rest to your imagination!

Yes, he is giving me the middle finger, apparently he gets pissed of with people taking pictures of his rather lavish mobility scooter, I did suggest if he didn't have a huge black flag to the rear and try and dress it up as a Harley, the pictures would no doubt stop immediately!

Have a fantastic week!