Tuesday, 31 December 2013

To "BE" 13

As we approach the end of another year and move into an even numbered one it is always a time for reflection, to look back and forward, to make plans in our heads, to see our faults of the past and to learn a little more about ourselves, its the night we all jump up and down, let off fireworks, drink, eat and be merry and focus on the ending of one thing and the starting of another!  By doing this, the day itself becomes somewhat forgotten, unlike most other days of the year it is left to be nothing more than a stepping stone forward or a viewing point backwards, we rarely sit in it and take it as a special day.
I am going to use my New Years Eve as a time of reflection and to sit in the "What is" rather than the "What has been" or the unreality of "What could be" it is something I have rarely done before but I am going to try and practise it tonight and many nights moving forward.....
We can use up so much of our energy and time looking forward and backwards its easy to forget what is going on around us right now, I have been guilty of this so many times before and it truly is the waste of a day, an hour, a minute or even a moment.

I sat on my sofa last night with my wife, my daughter and my dog, we watched "Mr Stink" by a roaring fire and it was peaceful, full of love and free, I am so very very blessed to have health, a family and happiness in my life and heart, it has been a lifetime searching for it thinking it was many other things than just having the simple things.

It really is the little things that are so special in life but the things we can all so easily overlook, so busy are we running to the next goal or sitting in resentment of what has gone. It's the "Now" that is so important, so just for today and hopefully moving forward lets all try and sit in the "Now" Practice not perfection!
I used to always say in my head on NYE "This is going to be my year" however the bit I sometimes forgot was not one dream, hope or ambition will materialise without effort, determination, persistence, self sacrifice, positive energy and the big one "Action" and then yet more "Action"
To be in the "Now" we have to put in the action to feel it, realise it and embrace it! To feel the power of now we HAVE to freely give of ourselves.

Dreams, hopes, targets and goals simply remain just that without putting in at least a modicum of action, this is my lesson for myself and it something that has taken a long time to learn and more importantly practise.
It reminds me of a great story a friend from America told me called Danny of a man who met God.
The man said to God "Can I please win the lottery?" Of course you can" Said God after seeing the man had good plans and ideas for using the money.
The man returned to earth and after a year he had not won a penny nor a dime, he returned to God and said "You are a liar, you promised me I would win the lottery!" God took the mans hand and said "You have to meet me half way and buy a ticket!"

Time now for me to spend some uninterrupted time with my two girls and to head off into 2014 a man ready to embrace life on life's terms. 2013 has been a year of much pain, much growth and much learning of self, I have been to the lowest point but I would not be sitting in my peace today without having made that journey, it is one journey I intend not to ever make again, for me its about being in the now and putting in the action to move upwards and onwards full of life and laughter, joy and happiness, love and respect and most importantly freedom to be who I want to be NOT what others want me to be!

Thank YOU for being such an important part of my life this year, writing has helped me escape much pain and given me hope to move forward, I am so very grateful to you all for taking the time to read my words.

Thank you also to those who stood bye me, carried me, held me, advised me, loved me and truly cared for me during 2013, you know who you are! And for those who did the opposite, you approval today is not needed nor sought, I left "People pleasing" behind a while back now! What you think of me is none of my business nor am I going to spend any energy justifying myself or changing to fit how you want me to be or act, if that upsets you so much, that's your stuff, not mine!

Have a safe beautiful evening and a very happy New Year and if only for a second just stop, live in the minute and just "Be"

Happy New Year you lovely lot!



Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Glorious Christmas George.

I seriously cannot get another thing in my fridge and cupboards but more importantly the "Treat draw"  You know, that special draw that has your heart palpitating at the mere thought of opening it!

I have been wanting to dive into so many glorious things but have been told "That's not to be eaten until Christmas!" So I wonder when does the official Christmas window open and "Contraband" of many calories become fair game? For weeks now the goodies that are purely "Just for Christmas" have been staring at me, almost daring me to have a dip in, but I have resisted under the ruling of "The Roycey Wife Act of 1993"

I would argue that Christmas eve is a good call but I dare not challenge the "You cannot touch anything until Christmas day" house rule - Not even I am that brave!

I purchased my turkey yesterday who has been traditionally named as George and in line with the President of The United States of America I pardoned one in aisle 10 of my local supermarket - sadly It may have been a little late as I watched the ice drip from its headless body, but hey the thought was there!

George now sits on my side counter defrosting, I cannot walk past it without poking it a little just to make sure it will be ready for tomorrow, in truth I have no idea if it will be fully defrosted by then but the warm bath water is on standby and Gino's number at the ready for any Christmas Day emergency! The mad fact of this is I will not know if George is fully unfrozen until I stick my hand up it's arse, it's almost a game show format!

Tomorrow morning will see me take the "Gold Run" and whisper my same ole' joke "Top Middle or Bottom" as I place my hand up George's backside (Or is it neck hole, who knows!) to remove things I don't even want to know the name of and no doubt, like previous Christmas's before I will leave something inside that shouldn't be there, but what the hell, everything is edible right?

Potato's (Said in Keith Lemon voice) will be peeled, Brussels sprouts (Or Fairy cabbages as they are known in my house) will have crosses placed on the bottom of them (No me either!) mashed stuff will be mashed, gravy with be frantically mixed to come in on time with the rest of the meal, the table will be worthy of a John Lewis display, wine will sit chilled, a cork will get stuck, music will play and we will eat as one knowing George payed the ultimate sacrifice to keep me, my family, my guests on Boxing day and my dog for the next three weeks very very happy! (Before I get a hounded it will not be the bones for the dog! See what I did there!!)

I have this year excelled myself and made a special compartment in my wallet marked "Receipts" I know right, this is the stuff of legends although I am hoping my gifts purchased are not in need of a trip to the return department during the mid sale madness! I did not however excel myself at wrapping, maybe its just a man thing but I wrap like a man blindfolded, I just cannot get my head round the folding pointy bit at the end and as for wrapping a bottle, it just ain't going to happen thus my house will be a wrapped up bottle free area!

In years gone by Christmas has been so many things to me but this year it is different on so many levels, this year it is about nothing else other than "My true family" and has not one little bit got anything to do with me, my wants, my needs, my high expectations. I just want to be with my girls and "Be" that in itself is a miracle and one today I am so very grateful for.

Embrace every second and hold every moment and be thankful for what we have right now not what we want in days, months and years to follow, live in the moment and take just a small second out to look up and take it all in, it may not happen again.

Can I take this opportunity to wish you a peaceful, safe, drama free Christmas and if things go wrong as they no doubt will, embrace them, laugh at them, enjoy them, make it an positive experience and know the gift of love cannot be wrapped up, defrosted or placed in a special draw for Christmas, it lies deep in your heart so let it out - If only for Christmas, you never know it might just carry on to Boxing day and beyond.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that's why they call it "The Present"


Thursday, 19 December 2013

Thank you.

Is it just me or do we all own an address book that is simply used for the sending of Christmas cards? Every year my grey book comes out and I use the same address's that were placed in it months and years before to send the yearly card, if I wrote the address wrong or the person has moved then the "System" has gone wrong!  My little grey book, to all intense purposes, is the bible of Christmas greeting cards, so if you don't get a Christmas card from me and mine, don't blame me, blame the address book!

The point of the book is it is still a thing of the past that is as relevant today as it was years and years a go, we move so fast in this world and technology is breaking new barriers everyday I still rely on some of the old pillars of a house and family to get me through and make Christmas special.

This is guess is why I like Christmas so much because it is the same traditions of years, decades and generations gone by that continue to make it special without the aid of modern technology.

The tree will go up both in a house and no doubt in price, the fairy that your kid made in nursery will be placed on top of the tree, the lights will have spent nine months tangling themselves into a knot just to piss you off, the tinsel will be colours you have used for years and somewhere in that box will be a Christmas card you had from years a go that you simply don't have the heart to throw away, you will find a lonely plug, a dancing teddy that needs batteries and special things that bring memories flooding back.

Turkey will be cooked and most of us will no doubt spend hours doing the mathematical equestion for defrosting and still end up running the bath to defrost the bloody thing! Nuts will be put out that nobody ever eats at any other time of the year and which are duly thrown away when the tree comes down and a selection box will be found in most houses, it's the great fact that somethings never ever change and can we please stop changing them!

I don't want an "Alternative" Queens speech thank you, the one my glorious Queen presents to us is just fine thank you and I don't want to stick an apple up the turkeys arse thank you very much, some sausages wrapped in bacon will do just fine, I don't want any shop to be open or need or want to buy any fuel on Christmas day, if I have forgotten something then let me imprevise, it may just turn out to be a lovely experience.

I want a proper board game, I want something to build, I want a log on the fire not an electrical "spinning thing" that cost £400 and blows a medium amount of hot air and I want slippers to keep my feet warm, I want shortbread to eat without feeling guilty about the enormous amount of fat I'm gaining and I want to fall asleep after too much lunch!

But, and here is the big but, has Christmas turned into what we want rather than what we need or am I just getting old?

I need my two girls, a tree, a light, a game, some food and a house full of love not hate, laughter not sadness, warmth not cold and a house of peace and harmony, for me, that's all I want for Christmas!

I belive this is why I will enjoy Christmas so much this year because it is really is the simple ideas and the ideas of generations before us tht make it so special! Its not on a screen, its not got an instructional manual, its not linked to a place in the sky nor does it have a cloud a Giga bite or an app, it just is what ever we want to make it!

I have spent last Christmas in a very bad place, to say it was painful would be an understantement but this year my needs and wants are very very simple. I want to wake up with a clear head, a clear conciouns, my family around me and fairy dust left by santa, not too much to ask is it?

I have spent a little time this year saying "Thank you" and "Sorry" I've spent some time mending much pain and making amends, repairing some of my life and trying to go through my day doing the right thing and on this run up to Christmas I am taking just a few moments out of my busy life to stop and think of others!

If every single person on this planet stopped for just 1 minute in the week before Christmas to do something caring for another without gain for themselves what a very special Christmas this would be. I know not many people read this but if everyone that does did just one "Thank You" to someone they do not know for something they did followed by a "Happy Christmas" what a beautiful thing that would be. If we didn't just walk past the homeless person instead we stopped and said "Hello" if we dropped a card into the old person who lives up the road, if we helped someone cross a road or just for one fleeting minute thought of someone else rather than ourselves what  glorious Christmas this would be for someone else, you might just make them do the same thing and thus the ball will start to roll...

I will start this Christmas ball rolling.....

Thank you for reading my blogs this year and thank you for giving me a reason to think of others by way of writing, thank you for giving me a reason and guess what, I didn't need to use my address book to send it!