Monday, 29 April 2013

50 ways to a better sex life....

So the 1st auditions are well and truly underway for the 10th series of "The X Factor" and the turnouts have been bigger than ever!
Some of those braving the weather are even more outrageous than ever and there is some amazing talent this year, seriously, its going to be amazing 10th year!

No judges conformed yet (as I understand) but really the Louis fans go to incredible lengths and effort to support their idol!

Thank you to the amazing chef in an unnamed city for this outstanding gruel!

I  get asked a lot to slag off "The Voice" on twitter and am often asked for my opinion on the show, so hear it is: Its a good show, not as good as my beloved X, but a good show all the same.
A very talented producer by the name of Billy Halpin joined the BBC team this year and I have no doubt in my mind he will bring his wealth of knowledge, experience and genius to a show that has sold around the world!
My loyalties are embedded with ITV as I do 90% of my work for them but and its a huge but, this does not mean I have anything negative to say about the BBC or any other channel for that matter, there is room for everyone.

I returned to the golf course this week (Its part of my new fitness regime, Steering a buggy is good for the upper arm muscles!) and a game with my Uncle Dennis, I have to say 3 hours away from a phone and the general madness of a day, in the beautiful English countryside is something I am defiantly going to do more of!

Talking of my fitness regime, I am happy to see the great "Gerkin"army have made it to my training programme! Honestly, who in Gods name inputted this to a machine? If anyone has ever seen the  "Gurkha's" on a speed march it would fill you with fear, pride and admiration for the bravest of the brave.
I have written to the company owner of these machines asking for an immediate change in this screen!

I loved reading this in The Sun however they missed out on one very important part......

"Have a partner!"

I would also like to thank whoever put these tow together at Twickenham for the rugby, utter genius!

Have a good week my friends, I'll leave you with this which needs no explanation, comment or comedy!

Sunday, 21 April 2013

A degree in "Schofe"

One logistical nightmare I thought as I sat and watched this drivers nightmare unfold....

Is it just me or does it seem like you can nothing now without some kind of charge?

We are now a society of greed and gain and frankly it really pisses me off, whatever happened to doing something for nothing? Or more importantly no personal gain?

I made it one of my goals this year to do at least one thing a day that was both positive and good for another, the only one rule, it had to be done anonymously! Try it, it truly is soul cleansing and feels bloody amazing!

Here are just three examples of daylight robbery and greed, it won't surprise you one comes (Two indirectly) from a bank!

So what brought me to suddenly realise I am being ripped off, it came out of an amusing call to a hotel reception a couple of weeks a go.

It's important (for the sake of the story) to say I was staying in my favourite city outside London, Liverpool and in a high quality hotel.

I arrived in my very ultra modern room (So modern you didn't switch the lights on and off you simply waved your hand in front of the wall, (I looked like I was reenacting an episode from The Karate kid!) As is normal I have a good look round, I was thirsty after eating a very lovely bag of hand cut locally made crisps dispayed neatly next to the coffee making facility and the hairdryer so was trying to find the mini bar  I could not find it anywhere so called reception,

"Hi, where is the mini bar?"
"What room are you in sir?"
"Ah sorry it got stolen last night!"

I really didn't know what to say so ordered room service and got charged a £4 "Tray charge" I asked the porter :

"Whats the £4 tray charge?"
"So we can pick up the tray!"
"Don't worry" I said" "I'll bring it back myself!"
"That's against hotel policy sir"

No wonder someone nicked the bloody mini bar it must have been bought out of mere frustration at the tray charge!

So that one call is where I started to take notice and question all the extra charges we now get thrown at us!

Buying some cigarettes the other day (I know, not great) I went to pay by debit card "If you pay by debit card sir I have to charge you £1.50" I questioned this and was told by the shop owner that it is what the bank charges him! What a load of bollocks, if the bank charged shop keepers every time someone used a bankcard then they would wealthy beyond all comprehension....oh hang on....

The banks do not charge £1.50 for me to use my card, this is just another charge to gain money and a shop keeper taking the piss out of me the customer, I made my point and will never buy from this gentleman's shop again which incidentally is at Victoria station opposite Next!

I am changing my mortgage and to get my deeds back from the bank, they are going to charge me £250. Yes the bank are charging me £250 to wave goodbye, what a bloody liberty!

I simply had to put the sticker on it, couldn't resist!

On a walk along the South Bank in London I noticed many pissed off mime artistes and street performs, not one of them had anyone paying any attention to the art they have spent years perfecting! Why? Well it would seem somebody came up with this contraption and was racking in hundreds of pounds by simply sitting, it did however amuse me that they still felt the need to be dressed from head to toe in Gold! Go figure?!

I took my girls to my one of my favourite restaurants on Sunday, its my favourite for many reasons but mainly because when I walk in I feel like something special is about to happen! Sunday lunch (or any meal for that matter) at The Ivy is simply divine and if you don't experience this at least once in your life you are truly missing out. (If you get to experience it with Karl or Fiona, you will go to another level, but that's a different story and one I hope I get to do again soon!)

I have also recently found a little gem in Surrey, if you happen to be near Carshalton Beaches you HAVE to visit "The Sun" if you can get a seat, you will enjoy the food, the excellent wine but above all an atmosphere and welcome second to none and as good as The Ivy on every level!

I did it, it has taken me two years but i eventually took the plunge!

Why have I decided to go green? It came out of a new love affair with a black taxi app called "Hailo" sadly my bank could not print enough paper to cover the extra debit insertions on my statement, so by cycling I am saving a serious amount of money, keeping fit and in London, risking life and limb with the mental traffic and the obvious hatred of cyclists by the motorist.....God help me, next I'll be climbing a tree protesting about a bypass that's going to kill an endangered spider and standing at the end of runway 2 at Heathrow with deadlocked hair and a picture of a polluted cloud!

I often ask students in my audience what they are studying, I've had an array of answers from  "Baking" to "Dentistry" and my favourite "David Beckham" but by far the most popular is "Media" with most wanting to be "TV" presenters!

A degree does not produce talent however I would like to offer a piece of advice to all who wish to pursuit a life in front of camera, pay attention it will be the best lesson and greatest lecture you will EVER get!

Go and watch Philip Scofield and watch the master at work! (Both on and off camera) I could add to this list with many names who come very close but (and its a huge but) Philip is without question the godfather of TV and so many could learn so much from someone who has perfected the art like no other, really its a bloody masterclass every time he puts an earpiece in!

I will mention some others, I wasn't going too but honestly I'm done with people pleasing so as a secondary lecture and ONLY after seeing Phillip you have to watch, Dermot, Ant and Dec, Davina, Piers (Political and Interview) Eamon and Ruth and finally James Cordon, there are others but these are ones I personally have learnt so much from and if they think I was just doing the warm up and not taking notes, they are all very much mistaken, for when my time comes, and it will, I will come with 22 years of knowledge gained from the very best in the business, a degree for me? Na, it s a bloody masters!

Right that's it from me this week, however if you get an opportunity today I am being interviewed by the lovely Alied Jones on BBC Radio Wales at 2pm, if you"re not in Wales you can listen here...

May is going to be amazing, I'm hitting your TV screens a few times, "This Morning" paper review on May 3rd, Sky news paper review on May 15th and 29th and hosting something that will have me seen by over 3/4 of the worlds countries, yes, i shit you not!

Enjoy your Sunday and may Liverpool now go stuff Chelsea! YNWA.

Thursday, 11 April 2013

Its just 5 things.....

Let me not swerve the fact that I have been a little quiet over the past 8 months and to be fair a tad isolated and unavailable from the world around me!

Sometimes life throws stuff at you that at the time seems almost impossible to deal with, when this happens, and it will, you have two choices, fight it with every bit of energy you have or accept it!

May I offer some advice?

Accept it, learn from it and whatever you do don't spend every piece of your energy re-living it, just know it "Is" but no longer needs to "be" and you will grow, sit in the pain and you'll well, sit in the pain!

Right on to a very pleasant couple of weeks spent warming up the shimmer of angel dust that is Emma Willis!

I have had the pleasure now meeting and warming up Emma Willis over the past couple of weeks and I have to to tell you without any question"A star is born!"

Many of you will know I have huge bugbear about celebrities being labelled "Stars" They do not even come close, so when I see one being born out of talent you will have to excuse my excitement

This lovely presenter of television is heading for a long and very successful career! I cant quiet put my finger  on it (You never truly can) but she has that certain "Something" that just makes you want to hang on her every word and be in her company! I am also happy to report she is utterly charming, extremely polite and nothing less than a joy to work with.

Today's youth will never really know what is going on around them and honestly I think the implications of this are far greater than it seems now. Face to face conversations unless in "Text speak" will be a thing of the past and this saddens me greatly! Twitter, Facebook, Whats-App, texting, Kick, You tube and my space The list goes on but wait, I am sure I heard my Dad say something similar, fuck, that's it I am old. Its an easy argument to put down the youth of today, but they will be just fine and to be honest with you there is not one thing I or indeed we can do in the world to change it, Why? Because we are now officially old!

One thing I love about my country is our sense of humour and this written on Katie Prices car is a great example of that...

A number plate work 25 times the value of the car....prick!

I respect the fact she tried to get a "Match" thing going on..

Itchy candy anyone?

The greatest wheelie bin ever??

I read an article recently and sent it to a few friends, its one of those articles that seems to stay with you forever and talking to a mate yesterday it once again brought me to spend some time thinking about my life, its title,

Top 5 things dying people has wished........

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
I really don't want to add anything else as I hope you can ponder the above and ultimately take action on it!

Roycey x