Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Piers Morgan.

Having worked for and with Piers Morgan for a number of years I would like to respond to this article written about him.


I have been Pier's warm up guy on "Britain's Got Talent", "America's Got Talent" and "Piers Morgan's Life Stories" for a number of years now. I have sat in close company with Piers on long days with huge schedules and often witnessed him working after stepping straight from a plane and jet lagged much. Never once have I EVER experienced Piers being "Rude" nor "Mistreat" ANY of his employees or anyone who works on the show with him.

I have, on many occasion, used Piers for the but of my jokes and if honest they have been sometimes cutting and in some peoples mind a little cruel, never once did Piers EVER respond with rudeness, anger or anything other than a good comical banter.

Piers is kind, generous, thoughtful and fun to be around. Honestly in over eight years I have never witnessed him having "An off day" or indeed being rude to anyone, and if their was anyone to be rude to, I would have been his first port of call. Anyone who has witnessed us together on a TV set would testify to that.

So I say to the person who has written this cruel, untrue, damaging article and to the unnamed source, You do not know him, you have never worked with him and you are simply trying to make a name for yourself at the cost of a mans integrity. Hold your head in shame!

Working with Piers is never dull but its never rude, never horrible and never disrespectful. I work "Under Piers" to clarify for the sake of the article, but have never felt lower or less important or disrespected.

Thank you.

Friday, 21 February 2014

For the over 40's!

Roxanne is all over the text talk, I am trying to keep up but its proving difficult, so I thought it about time the "Oldies" rebel and form our own!

Here you go....

IATD - I'm at the doctors
TNIO - The News is on!
PMSNL - Pissed myself not laughing
IFWIAH - I forgot why I am here!
IAMAL - I am making a list
AAF - At another funeral
BTW - Bring the wheelchair
JWIRT - Just watching "Ice Road Truckers"
HGBM - Had a good bowel movment
FFS - Found friends speticles!
HYSMG - Have you seen my glasses.
ICOT - Its cold out today
TQITPO - The Que in the post office!
ILDITML - I like driving in the middle lane!
ICMAG - I cant move after gardening
OTMTL - Off to mow the lawn
CYTIU - Can you turn it up
CYTID - Can you turn it down?
IOTTS - I'm off to the shed!
DT - Downtown time
WFFSM - What's FFS mean?
JGIMP - Just getting into my pyjamas!
OTTS - Off to the skip!

Enjoy your weekend!

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Artic Advertising Man!

I go to the gym a lot, if you follow me on twitter and even worse if you are a friend of mine on Facebook the never ending postings will no doubt drive you mad, but I make no apology for posting a positive vibe, it kind of motivates me to be honest.

En route to the gym I pass a guy who stands out in all weathers with a cardboard banner tied around his neck advertising a scrap metal yard, you know the kind I mean, he is like a walking advertising board. This guy is amazing, he waves at cars, never have I seen him not smiling, at Christmas he dressed up as Santa, he is sometimes found singing and as I pass him on my journey to “work out” he never ever fails to make me smile, indeed I now make a point of giving him a thumbs up and always try and grab his attention to give him a “You’re an amazing guy” smile.

To many his job may not be important, but what I love about this guy is he has taken it so seriously and not decided to just stand miserable and annoyed that his day is spent advertising a scrap metal place, he has taken it to a new level, he has embraced his roll and he most importantly has got any person driving on the A23 smiling, all power to him, what a truly inspiring guy. If I had scrap, I would surely take it to the place he advertises because he deserves nothing less!

I mention this because whatever we do in life comes with responsibility, my scrap yard advertising man is a fine example of this, he has taken his role really seriously and decided to carry a message of happiness while still at the same time doing his role, watching the Brits last night and more importantly the “Artic Monkeys” guy throw the microphone to the floor made we want to write this blog.

The Artic Monkeys fella chose to throw (Well more drop really!) a microphone on the floor during his acceptance speech and announce “Invoice me for it if you want to!” Here is a guy with fans, followers, listneers, a guy who has responsibility and power and to be fair makes great music, but he chose to send the sound department, a department who would have been in that arena since dawn broke and would not leave it till late into the next day, into a,no doubt, mircophone frenzy!

My point being here is the guy who stands in the freezing cold earning, no doubt, a year what that microphone costs doesn’t ever throw his advertising board to the floor in disscust had how bad it is, he just keeps smiling, just keeps giving and keeps his and everyone driving past enthusiasm alive, he has embraced his roll and taken it to a new level, he is without question, an inspiring man!

I hope the Artic Monkeys guy went and found the sound department and said sorry last night or at least sent a crate of beer backstage to them, but I doubt it, but then that is surely Rock n roll! No?

How wonderful that a man stood with a cardboard banner round his neck in the freezing cold, in the middle of a busy road inspired me more than one of this countries biggest bands. And to be honest, if the dropping of a microphone is Rock n Roll, they seriously need to call Ozzy for some "Rock n Roll"  lessons!
I'm getting old right?

Monday, 17 February 2014

Ruby Bridges Day.

44 years a go a six year old girl in America was the subject of racism and abuse that left me speechless today, the same day that a poll of conservative activists said that  41% would welcome a coalition with UKIP!
I opened my phone on the train to discover it's "Ruby Bridges" day, no, me either! So I did a search......
I began reading a story of bravery and courage from a child that moved and engrossed me so much that I missed my normal stop and ended up in a place called "Norbiton!"
The place lies between Surbiton and Norbury and as I got off the train it became quickly apparent that the reason they couldn't find an individual name for this little place and had to borrow it from two other places is because not much happens here, including, after a 40 minute wait in the freezing cold, trains going back to my last stop!
Ruby was six years old in 1960 and had a skin colour different to anyone else's in her community, she was a child known on the outside as "Black" but on the inside just a child, the same as any other! It was so ruled by a court that she had to attend a school, but in the American South, it was an "All White" school.
When attending her "All white" school she had to be escorted by federal marshals. "White" parents withdrew their kids from the same school, her father lost his job and they lived in fear and ridicule merely for the colour of their skin! As a young six year old, Ruby climbed the steps of her school surrounded by men with guns to protect her listening to the chants of the white parents gathered :
"Two, Four, Six , Eight, We don't want to integrate" 
As a 44 year old man I sat on a train as it passed my stop, sad, angry but most of all ashamed that people who's skin happens to be the same colour as mine could behave in such an evil and uncaring way against not only a human being but a child, a six year old child! Just horrible and shameful!
Ruby though stuck her ground, her mother didn't want to take her to school so great was her fear, but Ruby sat, with the threat of being poisoned and hurt, on her own, in a classroom, on a different floor to all "The White Kids!" As six year old she made the choice to not be defeated and go to a place she loved - "School!"
Ruby could not understand why she was different, why she was kept away from children in the same school, why she was segregated, tormented, abused, chanted at and ruled as "Lower class" She understood the easy route was to stay at home with her mother, but Ruby wanted to go to school and go she did under circumstances that even I as an adult find hard to comprehend!
A man called Dr Coles, took an interest in Ruby and why she just kept going back to school under such fearful circumstances and he and his wife took the very brave step of supporting her and her family and stood with them through what must have been very scary times.
This six year olds defiance against evil inspired so many children to follow and her actions as a mere six year old set out change, her bravery and defiance against the norm shone through and today, some 44 years later she effected me, a man thousands of miles away and separated by a generation!
Racism is taught, you are not born with it and it's not a disease, you learn it and that is a fact! Its the same as homophobia and any other form of discrimination and it is wrong, on every level. I believe it is also born out of a place of fear, fear of the unknown, fear of someone being "Different" Honestly, we have nothing to fear, Nothing!
No wonder communities are still angry, no wonder kids still feel unable to trust,  no wonder memories are still alive,  Ruby's suffering happened in my lifetime and only a dot away in the calender of the universe!
Because somebody is different it does not ever mean they are less than, I would argue they are special. Because someone is gay, black, white, disfigured, female, male, Chinese, Indian or Muslim. Jewish, Arabic, Eastern European, African or in a wheelchair or old they are not any more or any less than the others surrounded around them, they are human, they have feelings, strength and opinion!
So my message to ANY elected Conservative MP who would welcome a coalition with UKIP, why not stand outside a school full of children and sing "Two, Four, Six, Eight. ..and then take yourself to a different floor of the house of commons and all hug each other at how uninspiring and how narrow minded you really are, better still, I'll drive you all to a cold station called "Norbiton" and you can all have a good old pat on the back from each other for taking this great country back to 1960 and back to a place of much shame!
Lead, change and inspire this generation, welcome, support, encourage and give opportunity and goals to everyone regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation, that's the land I want to live in!
Join with UKIP just to get into government is uninspiring, weak, gutless and frankly insulting to me as a member of this country! Remember it was a UKIP member who told us the floods had come because God was angry at the "Gays"
Thank you again Ruby for following your heart and inspiring me to write this little blog - Thank you for being different, brave and a leader not a follower and for me discovering a place called "Norbiton" by way of a train, a tram and a walk!
Thank you for reading.

Saturday, 15 February 2014


Watching the devastating floods and storms in the South West of England over the past weeks I found it hard to really appreciate what devastation the people effected by this horrific weather were really going through, only now as the winds hit London do I fully appreciate what the people of the south west have been going through and more importantly I now realize how lucky my family and I have been.

My sister in Law lives in Canada and she will often call and tell us about a huge snow dump they have had, I would respond with "Oh that's terrible" but that's about as far as it really effects me, Why? Well because I am not "Experiencing it" or more importantly "Living in it" although I can sympathise I don't really understand,  how could I?

I do many things in my life today to try and have a better understanding of "Others" rather than just reading tweets,  newspapers or watching TV. To share in the experience gives me, as I see it,  a way more fulfilling life and a better understanding of the real world,  I would argue as a comedian who relies on observation this can only be a good thing!.

It doesn't make me special or nor do I look for any praise, what it does do is give me a wider view of life and a better understanding of where I sit in my world and much more poignant where others around me sit!

The storms only go to show that so often in life I have "Passed judgment" on something without ever really knowing or more importantly experiencing what I am talking about!

I chuckle sometimes when an ice skater falls over, I moan at the England football team, I get annoyed at traffic wardens, delayed trains, slow service, the goverment, the council even our PM -  the list goes on but really, who am I to pass comment, judgment or opinion when I have no understanding of that "Experience" No understanding of the job, effort commitment or passion - I am I suppose just "Spouting off about things I know nothing about!

I've never felt the pressure of a world cup and the hopes of a nation,;I've never been on a skiing trip, I've never had to hit a parking ticket quota,  I've never been on a planning committee nor had to mange a train network and I've never and will never have to have the responsibility of running a country! So who am I to have a loud opinion?

I guess this is why I love, respect and listen to my Royal family, they, above any family, have had so much life Experiance, I doubt a day goes by without at least one of them learning about anothers "Experiance" we should, honestly,  listen to them more!

I'm traveling to the north of England today to host a charity ball for no other reason than the story of a twitter follower touched me and I wanted and really felt the need to take action rather than words and share in another's experience and hopefully at the same time give something back to another, but here is the bonus, I get to have a life experience and understand another's journey better, and so as a human I grow and as a person get in touch with the true reality of life.

The charity organiser put her child to bed and that was the last hug and kiss she had, she inspires me because she now commits so much of her time so others don't have this devastating life "Experiance" Truly humbling!

I kissed my daughter goodbye today to travel to the gig, the organiser of tonight's event can't do that! By giving my time freely I'll get to understand another better and appreciate more, the most perfect thing in my life, my daughter! And the cherry on top of the cake, ill get to share all this and more with her! I get to "Pass on the experience"

Today I will have "An Experiance" some missing roof tiles and a wider view on life, but I'll still have a moan, ; I'm human and still as outspoken as ever which will no doubt lead others to comment negativity - No drama to me, I doubt they have had or understand my "Life experiences!"

I learnt something new about myself today which is as important about learning about another.

Thanks for reading and win lose or draw tomorrow Liverpool, I'll not rant, ill be thankful you gave it your all for me and millions of other fans!


Monday, 10 February 2014


Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes things don't feel good, sometimes there seems no way out, sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we really don't know where to turn.

The positive that can be gained from this is it is only ever "Sometimes"

In life to take a wrong turn is to grow, to learn,  to build,  it's part of life's great tapestry,  it's what makes us who we are, it is what defines us and without the "Sometimes" we just stay standing in exactly the same spot.

To grow and see a wider view we have to take risk and by doing so we have to sit in the "Sometimes" A life with no risk is a dull existence and one where standing still becomes the norm, same view, same feelings,  same emotions, same sadness and all draped with "No hope"

Change is the key to growth but it is one that takes a brave step and a faith, for without faith of any kind then, I believe,  there is not much hope, and let's be honest, hope is the driving force behind many a humans day.

I've just watched Benifit Street - The one thing nearly every member of this street is missing is "Hope" if you have no hope then it's hard to keep a faith, if you have neither you do your best to simply "Exist" - Sometimes!

To be brave and change just one thing In your life is to step out of a circle of no hope and light a glimmer in a life surrounded by the cloud of "Hopelessness" You have to take the step though and to step out of a comfort zone is both uncomfortable and scary!

I have a faith today and by that I mean a God in my life, im not embarrassed nor ashamed to admit it either, to deny it is to turn my back on the very person I turned to in my darkest hours. What it also means is I have the ability to admit something good in my life, something constant and something that I am actually proud of walking with and being a part of, without a faith, as I look back on my life, I had way too many "Sometimes" although I'm still getting them today,  they are manageable. 

I'm not going to start preaching - Not my way - But my God gave me the bravery to take a little step, see a new light and grab onto a bit of hope! 

So my blog today is to say take a step, be brave, start change and let go, do something different, look up at hope and if only for a fleeting moment feel change and grab some hope!

You may get it wrong, it may screw up, it may be a disaster,  it maybe a very wrong choice, but you took a step, walked towards change and thus gave yourself some hope. ..

Trust in me it works, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly,  but it works if and only if you're willing to work for it!

Thank you.

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Dear Mr Crow.

Tomorrow the capital city of this great country will lose millions of pounds, traffic will come to a standstill, emergency services will struggle with even getting through London, appointments will be missed, loved ones will sacrifice a hug, school children will not be taught, business deals will be put off, tourists willing to spend money will get lost and choose to stay where they are and most importantly every person who uses our tube system will have the hump, why? Because Bob Crow is throwing his toys out of the pram and holding this great city to ransom – Simply unacceptable!

I know the concerns of Mr Crow are important and I know he has an argument, as does my London Mayor, but simply bringing us all to a standstill is the actions of a bully and actions I neither respect nor intend to sit back and say nothing about!

Dear Mr Crow.

If you are so concerned about the tube and its development then get round a table and talk about it rather than just calling on your faithful to simply stay at home, the same faithful who earn more than teachers, care workers, nurses and any other members of the emergency services and those that supply care to those in this city!

You and your union represent the members whose responsibility it is to supply a public service, your actions go against everything that you are indeed supposed to be providing!

I understand Mr Crow you want the best for your members, in a way I respect that, but not at the cost of millions of people reliant on using the tube every day.

Go ahead and strike, but I promise you one thing, not one part of what Boris is proposing will change, not one thing. The actions of a strike will do nothing other than bring London to a standstill, what purpose does that serve?

So Mr Crow, show some empathy, dig deep in your soul, call off the strike, make an appointment with Boris and defend your faithful like a man other than like the boy with his big gang in the playground.


If you’ve got the hump with Boris, go sort it out with Boris in the manner of a man that leads and represents thousands rather than let millions of this great city suffer.

Do the right thing and lets show the world why this city and more importantly its people are truly one of the greatest in the world!


Don’t hurt London Bob and its fine people, you are better than that!





And Boris, If Mr Crow does the right thing, clear your diary and book a meeting room, hell, I'll even come and make the coffee, badly, but I'll make it all the same!


Monday, 3 February 2014

Russian Roulette!

I have spent the last few years trying my best to get as many fans as I can to meet their idols whilst working on the biggest shows in TV, It’s been a really great experience watching dreams come true as fans get to meet their idols, especially with Gary Barlow and of course One Direction when hosting their fan event in NYC, watching the excitement, tears and hysteria and meeting their idols has and will remain to be one of the greatest parts of my job. Yesterday I became one of the very people I had met on so many occasions over the years and forgot anything and everything about showbiz etiquette and understanding. I became a fan!

On a trip to the Hyatt’s hotel swimming pool in Birmingham with my Roxy dressed in the very thick comfortable white robes and slippers than not ever in this life will fit I noticed the LFC team coach was parked outside our hotel, as we walked past the gym I saw “The Gaffer” Brendan Rogers working out in the gym, we walked past and then suddenly I became a “Fan” a proper 100%, fan! I turned on my heals, walked back and gave the boss two thumbs up, not any old thumbs up, it was two thumbs up worthy of any 8 year old, Brendan, stared at me with a look of concern, our eyes met and I am sure he could see the desperation of a response in my eyes, he took one hand off the treadmill, which in my book was risking his own life, and returned the thumbs up with a smile! Yes “The gaffer had put his own life at risk to say hello to me, well that’s how I am spinning it!

I turned to look at my daughter who had almost buried her head in her hands! Her hero is Olly Murs, not even she got as excited as I did at that very moment!

Swim done, back to the room and the whole story was read re lived at lest three times to my wife. As my girl’s relaxed, I was washed, changed and ready to head to the foyer in less time than it takes “Cara” to sing “Happy Birthday” (That’s like lightening for anyone not familiar with “Cara””)


I sat and plotted my picture opportunity, I checked what time the coach was leaving and the excitement began to build. Someone tweeted that “Now you know how we feel meeting our idols” This hit home, I was now suddenly experience the same feelings, emotions and excitement as the many I have brought down to “Meet the judges” what a fantastic humbling experience!

I really don’t get stars truck, right now however I was beyond even that!

I sat eating breakfast facing the lobby and on a table not next to the girls, I had to have a clear view and uninterrupted conversation, however there was room  for one, my mate (And to be fair almost comedy writer on BGT) who had arrived at breakfast, did he sit opposite me with his back to the foyer? Don’t be silly, he sat, squashed up next to me, scoffing his full fry up! We were like two teenagers awaiting the arrival of the biggest stars in the world!


AS the team walked to their breakfast and team room, Al smiled, I waved and put my hands up with another “Thumbs up!” Dear God I was lost in excitement of being so close to players who played for the club I have supported my whole life. It doesn’t matter what team you support, indeed if you support a team as I have done your whole life then I have no doubt you completely get my over excitement and obvious embarrassment to my daughter, the only time I have ever come close to this was meeting Emma Thompson, luckily for her she had a Loose Women desk to protect her!


Sadly for Stevie G, he had not that same desk to protect him, he began his walk down the stairs, he looked up, our eyes met, his focus and concentration was plain to see having no doubt just come from the team talk, sadly for him a 6 foot 4 inch crazy eyed obsessed fan smiled a smile of delight, despite the warning from security to not approach the players, this one was opportunity I was not going to miss. Poor Steven, he agreed to the picture but I could see in his eyes he was a little nervous, to be honest, if I had seen me approaching me, I would have been a little nervous!


I got my picture (Just) and the team left for the game.

I have to apologies now to my audience’s in BGT yesterday, anyone I came into contact with, every member of The Hyatt staff, the whole BGT team but importantly my daughter and wife for the constant re living of this story! Indeed even Simon himself began taking the piss as I began to realise the only person becoming hysterical about this meeting was me, nobody else, including the God Stevie G really gave a toss!


But, and here is the great But, I gave a toss, I met man I have watched for years, I met a man I have admired, I met a man who I have sung to on the terraces of Anfield, I ticked one off my bucket list and I got to tell the story! Admittedly over and over again!

America lost a true talent in the shape and form of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, tragic doesn’t even cover it.

Drugs are a game of Russian roulette with your life. FACT! Some will get away with it, some will die, some will never be the same again. The difference between drugs and Russian roulette, it’s not just you that might die, so many others will die around you, maybe not in the physical sense but without question in their souls. Think long and hard before you follow the crowd, pick up the gun and hold it to your head. Pull the trigger by all means, but hear this, the bang is truly a place filled with hurt. Lead not follow and be all you are meant to be, not what others want you to be. It took a lifetime for me to learn that very fact. If you hear nothing else today, I beg you, just for a second, think about it and “Shine bright” and be in control of your destiny,  not the destiny of a drug, a crowd or a fake coolness! 

You're beautiful - So be beautuful!

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful week..