Sunday, 21 April 2013

A degree in "Schofe"

One logistical nightmare I thought as I sat and watched this drivers nightmare unfold....

Is it just me or does it seem like you can nothing now without some kind of charge?

We are now a society of greed and gain and frankly it really pisses me off, whatever happened to doing something for nothing? Or more importantly no personal gain?

I made it one of my goals this year to do at least one thing a day that was both positive and good for another, the only one rule, it had to be done anonymously! Try it, it truly is soul cleansing and feels bloody amazing!

Here are just three examples of daylight robbery and greed, it won't surprise you one comes (Two indirectly) from a bank!

So what brought me to suddenly realise I am being ripped off, it came out of an amusing call to a hotel reception a couple of weeks a go.

It's important (for the sake of the story) to say I was staying in my favourite city outside London, Liverpool and in a high quality hotel.

I arrived in my very ultra modern room (So modern you didn't switch the lights on and off you simply waved your hand in front of the wall, (I looked like I was reenacting an episode from The Karate kid!) As is normal I have a good look round, I was thirsty after eating a very lovely bag of hand cut locally made crisps dispayed neatly next to the coffee making facility and the hairdryer so was trying to find the mini bar  I could not find it anywhere so called reception,

"Hi, where is the mini bar?"
"What room are you in sir?"
"Ah sorry it got stolen last night!"

I really didn't know what to say so ordered room service and got charged a £4 "Tray charge" I asked the porter :

"Whats the £4 tray charge?"
"So we can pick up the tray!"
"Don't worry" I said" "I'll bring it back myself!"
"That's against hotel policy sir"

No wonder someone nicked the bloody mini bar it must have been bought out of mere frustration at the tray charge!

So that one call is where I started to take notice and question all the extra charges we now get thrown at us!

Buying some cigarettes the other day (I know, not great) I went to pay by debit card "If you pay by debit card sir I have to charge you £1.50" I questioned this and was told by the shop owner that it is what the bank charges him! What a load of bollocks, if the bank charged shop keepers every time someone used a bankcard then they would wealthy beyond all comprehension....oh hang on....

The banks do not charge £1.50 for me to use my card, this is just another charge to gain money and a shop keeper taking the piss out of me the customer, I made my point and will never buy from this gentleman's shop again which incidentally is at Victoria station opposite Next!

I am changing my mortgage and to get my deeds back from the bank, they are going to charge me £250. Yes the bank are charging me £250 to wave goodbye, what a bloody liberty!

I simply had to put the sticker on it, couldn't resist!

On a walk along the South Bank in London I noticed many pissed off mime artistes and street performs, not one of them had anyone paying any attention to the art they have spent years perfecting! Why? Well it would seem somebody came up with this contraption and was racking in hundreds of pounds by simply sitting, it did however amuse me that they still felt the need to be dressed from head to toe in Gold! Go figure?!

I took my girls to my one of my favourite restaurants on Sunday, its my favourite for many reasons but mainly because when I walk in I feel like something special is about to happen! Sunday lunch (or any meal for that matter) at The Ivy is simply divine and if you don't experience this at least once in your life you are truly missing out. (If you get to experience it with Karl or Fiona, you will go to another level, but that's a different story and one I hope I get to do again soon!)

I have also recently found a little gem in Surrey, if you happen to be near Carshalton Beaches you HAVE to visit "The Sun" if you can get a seat, you will enjoy the food, the excellent wine but above all an atmosphere and welcome second to none and as good as The Ivy on every level!

I did it, it has taken me two years but i eventually took the plunge!

Why have I decided to go green? It came out of a new love affair with a black taxi app called "Hailo" sadly my bank could not print enough paper to cover the extra debit insertions on my statement, so by cycling I am saving a serious amount of money, keeping fit and in London, risking life and limb with the mental traffic and the obvious hatred of cyclists by the motorist.....God help me, next I'll be climbing a tree protesting about a bypass that's going to kill an endangered spider and standing at the end of runway 2 at Heathrow with deadlocked hair and a picture of a polluted cloud!

I often ask students in my audience what they are studying, I've had an array of answers from  "Baking" to "Dentistry" and my favourite "David Beckham" but by far the most popular is "Media" with most wanting to be "TV" presenters!

A degree does not produce talent however I would like to offer a piece of advice to all who wish to pursuit a life in front of camera, pay attention it will be the best lesson and greatest lecture you will EVER get!

Go and watch Philip Scofield and watch the master at work! (Both on and off camera) I could add to this list with many names who come very close but (and its a huge but) Philip is without question the godfather of TV and so many could learn so much from someone who has perfected the art like no other, really its a bloody masterclass every time he puts an earpiece in!

I will mention some others, I wasn't going too but honestly I'm done with people pleasing so as a secondary lecture and ONLY after seeing Phillip you have to watch, Dermot, Ant and Dec, Davina, Piers (Political and Interview) Eamon and Ruth and finally James Cordon, there are others but these are ones I personally have learnt so much from and if they think I was just doing the warm up and not taking notes, they are all very much mistaken, for when my time comes, and it will, I will come with 22 years of knowledge gained from the very best in the business, a degree for me? Na, it s a bloody masters!

Right that's it from me this week, however if you get an opportunity today I am being interviewed by the lovely Alied Jones on BBC Radio Wales at 2pm, if you"re not in Wales you can listen here...

May is going to be amazing, I'm hitting your TV screens a few times, "This Morning" paper review on May 3rd, Sky news paper review on May 15th and 29th and hosting something that will have me seen by over 3/4 of the worlds countries, yes, i shit you not!

Enjoy your Sunday and may Liverpool now go stuff Chelsea! YNWA.

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