Due to 'Trolley rage" I have written a few "Roycey Rules" for any person over the age of 65 who may venture into a supermarket at the same time as me.
1. Your trolley needs constant attention, leaving it in the middle of an isle unattended is not acceptable.
2. When picking frui please stop handling it, squeezing it, smelling it and swapping it, I may have to buy it!
3. "Value" tinned meat, although very cheap really is not good for you.
4. You need no longer eat spam
5. Tomatoes are confusing I know, there are lots of varieties, just pick the big red ones!
6. My ankles are not made of steel, when you hit them with your trolley it hurts!
7. 5 items or less means 5 items, not 5 and a paper!
8. Your Grandchildren really do not give a shit about "School Vouchers"
9. You do not need shampoo, you may avoid this isle
10. Do NOT let your grandchild push the trolley, you would not let them drive the car!
11. Once you have unloaded your trolley into your car, your trolley needs to go back home with its friends, it does not want to be left in the middle of the car park.
12. Fill your trolley with booze, you deserve it!
13. Buy booze, you deserve it!
My biggest bug bear is "Health and Safety" it drives me mad, twice this week I have been confronted with the madness of H&S.
Firstly I visited my local sorting office to collect a parcel which could not fit through my letter box, on arrival a sign greeted me "Car park closed" I then had to park a mile away (everywhere is now double yellow lines) and walk to collect the elephant my daughter is receiving after sponsoring yet another animal in Africa.
I asked the nice post office man "Why is the car park closed?" "health and safety reasons" "Why what happened" "Nothing" he replied "But we have had 5 near misses" I have no idea what a "near miss" is and who in fact reports such an incident!
Secondly was my local doctors surgery who are really going all out to help mothers with small children!
Great, now mothers have to carry their children, bags, shopping and everything else to go see the doctor, god forbid they are too ill to carry out this task!
In the same surgery I am glad to report that all is required, along with a flu jab to keep you well this winter is a good old cup of tea!
What is our obsession with pizza? I must get at least 10 bloody flyer's through the post a day from various pizza stores, not they have found my phone! How is a man supposed to diet with this constant temptation?
I wonder has anyone EVER read the Terms and Conditions before clicking the box? No, me either!
Off to Harrogate this weekend, all of which will no doubt be in my next blog!