Wednesday, 21 September 2011


My wife announced that an old school friend that she has "re-connected with" on Facebook is visiting England and would I mind if he came and stayed? I am a bloke and I really wanted to ask the all important question but this raises a few issues. If I do ask it, then I am showing a lack of trust and questioning the integrity of my wife, if I don't ask it, then she will think  don't really care about her past! (Which I don't, but it is important to know if the man coming to stay has indeed got personal with my wife!)

My mind was quickly put at rest once she showed me a picture - however now it is I who is slightly in fear of the possible guest visiting my humble abode!

I have no particular religious views, not that I wish to share on here anyway, but my daughter is now beginning to find out about religion at school and we had a conversation in the car on the way home yesterday which went like this:
"Good day love?"
"Can't remember"
"What did you do at school today?"
"Can't remember!"
"You must remember something, what was your best lesson?"
"Cool............. Whats RS?"
"Dad, did you ever go to school? Its religious studies!"
"Do you enjoy RS?"
"I do this year - we are learning about Hindu's. They are really colourful and bright and love everyone, not like the boring Christians last year - they just keep killing people!"

I had no real answer to that, but then came this...

"So what religion do you think you are, what do you like?"
"Dad, I am agnostic".  I didn't need to look that up as I am reading a book that has a whole chapter on the subject!

This goes to show that religion can be fun, we should laugh at ourselves and we really should not take life too seriously!

I have not had an accident, I cant remember hurting myself, I cannot remember anyone wanting to hurt me or indeed unknowingly hurting me, so I was shocked at a text message:

I replied: 'I will get back to you when I have the accident!"

Here are the SMS text codes for the older generation........

"GTBP" Get the blue pill
"ATD" At the doctors
"BFF" Best friends funural
"BAFW" Bring a fucking wheelchair!
"WAI" Where am I?
"TLATP" Too loud at this party
"ICFTK" I can't find the keys
"GHA" Got heartburn again
'CTG" Cutting the grass
"GBM" Great bowel movment
"DRI5M" Dinner ready in 5 minutes
"IANL" I am not lost
"WAITT" Who am I talking too?
"CYANAT" Call you after News at Ten
"OTTD" Off to the doctors
"BHG" Back has gone!
"WDTBD" What does this button do?
"HAFT" Having a fruit tea?
"INAS" I need a snowball
"BW" Bloody weather

Travelling on a train late Sunday night was a peaceful experience. For the first time in my life I had the WHOLE carriage to myself. I relaxed at a table, got out my book, phone, magazine, i-pad, sandwich, crisps and headphones and got ready for the speedy 2 hour and 30 minute journey to London. The carriage was like this:

And then came along "Jobsworth" the "Train Manger" or "Guard" as I still refer to them who asked for my ticket. I presented him the ticket, he checked it and then said "you are in the right carriage sir, but the wrong seat!" My jaw hit the floor. "Its empty, is there anyone getting on at other stops?". "No" he replied. "So I am ok here right?" "No, you have pre booked a seat sir, you will need to sit on it".  I wont go into the rest of the conversation but let's just say about 3 minutes into it  "Jobsworth" threatened to ring the police if I did not move seats. I politely replied "Please do, it will be a joy for them to experience what an utter plank you are being!"

The guard left, the incident I thought was over - no, it was to get better. The drinks trolley appeared  and the lady went straight past me. I asked for a coffee, she replied "Not until you are in your correct seat!".  I really could not be bothered so just smiled and got into my book "How to Kill a Prick in 10 minutes!"

I really am so happy, in just over 7 months I have dropped 4 stone and 3 lbs.
I changed my diet (thank you to the company who gave me the outline to change!) and became best friends with my gym. It has taken hard work, commitment and a real passion to change, it feels amazing. I do have a before and after picture, but am not going to post it as it will come back and haunt me one day!

Following a night out with my wife on Saturday, I went online Sunday morning and purchased this t-shirt for her!

Remember, restraining orders are just another way of saying 'I love you!" 


  1. I absolutely love reading these blogs. you so know how to make people laugh, and with stuff we can so all realate to, in this crazy world of ours, & daft rules and regulations xx thank you again, heres to the next. caught up on a few i missed also. xx @lovingDOI (sue)

  2. You really do cheer up my day. Thank you!


  4. Congratulations on your weight loss, I'm dropping the weight slowly and have lost nearly a stone in 7 weeks. It's such a great feeling as you lose isn't it? Love your blog, wish you the best and hope to see you at XFactor soon!


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.