Sunday, 16 June 2013


I did it! 

Honestly after spending 28 hours walking it, 5 hours and 48 minutes cycling it was honestly nowhere near as physically challenging but it was again another mental battle, something It would seem I am beginning to do a lot of! (Nobody said when I started this journey it was going to be easy!)

It wasn't about the ride for me today it was about one hill one climb, one challenge, and one point to prove to nobody else but myself! 

As a kid I was often told I was "Nothing" a "Worthless piece of shit" I was informed  in the midst of violence "You will never amount to anything, you're a humiliation and evil" so that hill was my middle finger to those that chose to damage my spirit, soul and inner strength! 

Some people say the mind is the most powerful tool we possess but it does not, in my opinion, come even close to the inner spirit! 

I stopped just before attacking the biggest winding hill i have seen for 2 years (two years a go to the day I attempted the same hill and got 400m up it before stopping and saying to myself "oh it doesn't matter you're shit anyway!") and had a small very meaningful chat with myself...

These were my exact words....

"Today Roycey you are something. You are important, you are loved, you are a dad, a husband, a friend, an important part of life, you are special and most of all you are capable of absolutely anything - Roycey, this one is for you and you Mr hill are about to get owned!" 

I then sucked back a couple of energy shots and began...

 I grunted, groaned, spoke to myself, swore (a lot) sweated and screamed, my legs burned my heart was racing, I was gasping for oxygen but pedal I did, not exactly In a straight line but this was not going to be a repeat of two years ago, this was my time! It was without question the hardest 10 minutes I have ever done sitting down! 

Then came the mental challenge - my mind must have told me 20 times to get off, to give up, that nobody would care, that I couldn't do it, that I was a failure.... But I'm changing and something came alive in me that as a 44 year old man I have only ever experienced once before and that was a few weekends a go on my 28 hour walk - it's called belief and a spirit that was not, under any circumstances going to be beaten - at any cost! 

I made it - I beat it - I pushed myself - I beat my demands -  I cried and then I laughed then I felt a new feeling, a feeling of beating the demands that have for so so long defined me...

So hill you were owned and I was the exact opposite - today and just for today, I was free and for this year i was king of my own little mountain which, as I promised got owned (Although taken over is probably a better terminology!) 

I suffer no more in silence.....

1 comment:

  1. Soooo pleased for you:)
    I watched you cross the finish line after the 100k walk, not knowing who you were, and was deeply moved by your struggling to control your emotions. Your wife and child were there for you and I was pleased you'd achieved your goal to finish. Having walked several long charity walks (although none as long as that!!) I too had experienced the rollercoaster of emotions and played the mind games necessary to get oneself through so I empathised with you. On the way home I scrolled down the Twitter feed of Action Challenge, the walk organisers, and noticed your tweet (I recognised the photo of you in your green NSPCC t shirt). Being intrigued by seeing you so choked with emotion I followed the Twitter path to your blog.

    Wow! It all clicked into place. No wonder you had stopped on the finish line, head down, about to burst. No wonder. It made me acutely aware that of all the people we pass in the street, talk to on the phone, see on TV, we don't know what burden they are carrying. You have finally been able to face your demons and fight them, refusing to let them control your life and that presumably was why you were so choked with emotion on that line.

    Reading your blog above was ironic as I had noticed a post just now on a charity Facebook wall from another walker who had done that walk. She felt she hadn't been appreciated enough by her charity for her effort. I pointed out that apart from the fact her charity had the biggest by far support group on that walk, that she should have walked it, not for adulation or appreciation but to give something back in appreciation of her ability to simply be healthy enough to enter. That this, or indeed any, challenge is about digging deep, beating ones own personal demons and crossing that finish line as a different person - free, as you put it.

    Well done on raising so much money for an extremely worthy cause. I hope you continue to enjoy your well-deserved FREEDOM :)


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