Tuesday, 1 April 2014

My Inspirig followers on twitter!


So we have a new car or as I like to now call it; “The machine that is saving the planet!” Every time the car stops in traffic it turns itself off and lets me know how much CO2 I am saving, or as I like to call it, how wonderful I am at saving the planet!

If I am honest I am not the greatest planet saver in the world, Roxy is often telling me that by leaving the tap running while brushing my teeth is indeed doing something to an ice cap somewhere, the lights we leave on in the house are worthy of the Las Vegas strip and I don’t use compost in my garden! However I have done some little things to save our planet and its seems the little things in life is where change does indeed come about.

If everyone just made one small change then a huge difference would be felt globally, but it takes effort to change, it takes dedication and a long term commitment to do something different or out of our daily routines or comfort zones, To change is to grow, to grow is to see a new view of life and to indeed become, I believe, a better, fuller more complete person.

I read through some amazing tweets last night from some of my followers who posted pictures of their truly inspiring weight loss, they decided to make great change in their lives, to make a long term commitment and as a result they tweeted tweets full of self esteem and pride, I was humbled to read them and proud to share in their journey of dedication and commitment.

For me change came about in my life by taking small steps, anyone can make change, really they can, but it does take effort, commitment and a belief you can do it. The belief bit for me was the hardest part, how can anyone believe in themselves when they don’t like themselves? It’s a very difficult starting point and the mountain to climb, to start that change, looks like a sheer face cliff with no sunlight or great reward at the end. I hated me and if you hate something, why would you even want to start the ball rolling to begin that change or indeed do something good, positive and kind for the one person you hate most in the world?

My life was full of doing everything for everyone else and rarely anything for me, the only things I ever did for me were negative and hurtful, I spent my energy, focus and drive on the world around me but forgot about the one person I would spend a life time with, me!
Keeping those balls in the air, trying to keep everyone happy, trying to people please everyone soon led me down a very slippery slope to a place of much darkness, loneliness. hurt and desperation, I was, after all, a nothing, a worthless piece of shit and a nobody, sentences than ran deep in my mind from growing up. I cared not for me, so the only thing to do was care for others. I was a walking empty shell of no self esteem, no love for myself and a desire to only hurt me and those that truly loved me, I was looking for the exit and not the way in to life. I was stuck in the traffic jam of life and saving nothing, just killing me and everyone around me, who had, not supprislingly made a quick exit from this road of destruction! 

Change started with the way I put my socks on (I have blogged about this before) but the very first thing I did for myself was to buy myself a candle, yes a simple candle, I purchased a Jo Malone candle just for me. I loved my candle, it was and still is very important to me, it was one of the very first positive things I had done for myself, it even took a few therapy sessions to go out and buy the bloody thing, that’s how difficult doing something good and positive just for me was, it was so unnatural and felt very uncomfortable! 

Following that I started on a massive life change to do exercise, I changed my diet, my lifestyle and my thought process, I started to do things just for me and thus the change began. I used twitter and facebook as my drive, I signed up to do challenges for charity that would give me goals to reach and made a plan and for the first time in my life stuck to it, (Well nearly all of it!) I was not ever going to be the “Fatty” at school or have the piss taken out of me for looking like I was pregnant or being a “Pot bellied” sweaty embarrassment, I was not a nothing, a nobody or a worthless piece of shit, I was not a humiliation or an outcast, I was a breathing human but and its a huge but, I had to start to love myself and this process started with the treadmill, spin class, zumba, sha-bam, yoga, meditation, swimming and other gym activities, they taught me quickly a thing called pride, achievement and success and with this I began to love myself as I thought I never could.

Nobody will do anything for you that will change you, yes jobs might be better, holidays bigger, cars faster, suits and dresses more glamorous but the house you live in, the wooden sunbed you lay on, the super luxurious car you drive or get driven in, the label that hangs at the back of your designer dress or suit still has you in the centre of it, trust me, if you hate stuff about you, you will only grow to the hate the stuff around you, it’s a fact, I know, I tried it!
Change HAS to come from you, for you and because YOU want to do it, if you change just for you then the results are without question momentous, the cars are not faster, the houses not bigger, the holidays more glamorous, but the self esteem, pride and achievement is a reward not one other person gets to share with you as its all yours, every single bit of it, and yes YOU got to do it, you will get to look in the mirror and like what you see!

My experience of this, of doing something just for you is that people around you will notice the change and the very thing you have been craving your whole life, to be loved, complimented and respected comes naturally and you didn't have to do one damn thing to force it, you simply began to change self.

Do something just for you, start change, make it small to start, set goals, tweet it, facebook it, write about it and begin a journey that belongs to you and only you! Talk about it, share it and enjoy the journey on new roads, new paths with bigger views, amazing scenery and breath taking feelings! The only person who can change you is you, that's the truth, some come and join me on a journey of change.

The journey is not easy but the rewards for the hard work, commitment and dedication are the greatest rewards of all, fill yourself up with self esteem, pride and love and watch great change in your life happen. The best and most rewarding part of it all is you will get out of "Self" and start to have the energy, room and commitment to give back, help others and share the love you know have for yourself, it is a reward that words cannot really explain.

Stop in the traffic jam of life, hear the engine stop, take a deep breath and look not to save the planet but you, the most important thing on it!  

I'm now going to do the recycling, go for a walk and later hit the gym, its a triple whamy today!

Finally thank you to those followers on twitter who shared their stories with me yesterday, you inspire me to write, keep going and continue to change, grow and improve. You know who you are!

Roycey.

 

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