My prize - let only one person makes a call fir help and my prize will be the greets ever.
Please bear with me, its taken 31 years to have the courage to write it....
I have suffered in silence for 31 years, full of shame, fear, anger, loneliness and self loathing, today I suffer those feelings no more and I have to, really I do, let anyone else who reads this and who feels those same feelings, know that its ok to feel them, but, and its a huge but, you need not suffer anymore.
If I can do it, then so can you, you just HAVE to believe...
So with a deep breath, a large glass of a chilled white and some inner courage and some hard work over the past months, here goes....
31 years a go I was raped, some 6 years later I was raped again, multiple times.
I have, for 31 years thought it was my fault, that I was to blame, that somehow it was of my making and for 31 years I have put on a very thick mask and juggled life’s game very well, but while alone and sitting with myself it was a very different story, a dark, scary, very painful story. Sadly you can only juggle for so long and inevitably I started to drop the balls and the cracks started to show.
Over the past 18 months it has been very difficult to even exist, I could not even walk past a shop without headlines taking me back to the scariest points of my life and to be honest I hit my self destruct button.
Thanks to the most amazing wife and a small voice in the deepest part of my soul I admitted my past to the most amazing doctor and within what seemed like minutes I had the most amazing support network around me, and you, if you have suffered the same as I, can have it too, but it takes a leap of faith that I understand today may seem incomprehensible..... but know this...
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU WERE NOT TO BLAME and most importantly HELP IS ONE STEP AWAY!
I tried everything to dull my pain, nothing worked apart from facing it, dealing with it and most importantly ASKING FOR HELP!
I’m not professional enough to help you nor strong enough to pick you up and carry you but i can point you in the right direction and shout from the top of my voice Today I have no shame, guilt and fear and you can have this too.
So this my friends is why I am walking 100km, riding 100km and running a half marathon, why? because today I can and today I want the NSPCC to be well enough funded to help someone who I know is very scared right now.
Thank you for listening.
For help from the professionals go to:
YOU are NOT alone...