Monday, 6 May 2013

Burnt Bagel!

So it would seem summer is here although I fear we are being led into a false sense of security! I remember feeling this happy last year then we had some rain that lasted until October, so I am not getting my hopes up, just enjoying each piece of sun as it comes.

Summer seems to arrived and I feel "Summer laws" should be brought into stature with immediate effect!

1. Men are only permitted to remove their tops in designated areas, which do not include, Asda, the pub, walking down a street or whilst driving a scaffold lorry.

2. Crocks are banned for anyone over the age of 6.

3. The lighting of a bonfire in your garden is now banned if your house is within 1/2 mile of another.

4. Anyone found wearing socks with sandals will be shot.

5. Anyone wearing a T-Shirt tucked into shorts will be shooting the above before serving 1 year in prison.

6. People who drive for a living are here by given a special holiday to brown up the other arm!

7. Solar panels in peoples roofs banned with immediate effect! It looks shit and saves you about £175 a year, swallow it!

For those asking if The Voice and The X Factor are enemies, don't be so stupid! The location of the first round of auditions in Scotland did have me thinking that the location manager has got a huge pair of balls.

I went to Cosco and bought my daughter a pool for the summer (equipped with cup holders) having a water meter you can imagine my mood (after spending three hours to fill the bloody thing up) as I went to view the master piece some 2 hours later!

Dear men in a relationship, if you buy the below for your living room I can categorically tell you that getting laid will not happen for many a month!

This is what happens when I get on the phone to my mum....but she is worth it!

It's one of life"s great debates, I'm an A kinda guy!

It took me a while!

One of the most annoying things is being late, so when you're sat on the front carriage and you pull into London Victoria you know you are going to gain a couple of minutes, however when you step off the train and this greets you......I'll leave the rest to your imagination!

Yes, he is giving me the middle finger, apparently he gets pissed of with people taking pictures of his rather lavish mobility scooter, I did suggest if he didn't have a huge black flag to the rear and try and dress it up as a Harley, the pictures would no doubt stop immediately!

Have a fantastic week!


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